Confused on What to Do

[Eagle11]

As I sit her tonight I am more confused than ever. Today was a good day, I felt at ease with my decision to tell my W last night that I know about the affair. I actually only looked once at phone records today and didn't even bother me that I saw the OM number listed on there. I know she isn't going to stop anytime soon. Later in the day I got a notification that she changed the password again. I actually laughed because I couldn't believe it took her until 4 pm to change it. Plus, I didn't really care anymore. I took my sons to a class they go to on Thursday nights and then got home around 6:30. My W was already there which is very unusual for her. Usually she get home between 7:30 - 8:30, but tonight she was at home sitting outside drinking a glass of wine and doing some work. I saw that she had ate some dinner (Also unusual for her right now) so she must have been home by 5:30 or so. I asked her to watch the kids so I could go to the gym and she said no problem. I went to the gym and had a good workout. I was feeling good when I got home.

This is when things got weird and confusing. I come in she is in a great mood for her lately. The kids are having fun and she is trying to talk to me. I am being polite but trying to mind my own business and cook me a quick dinner. Anyway she comes up to me and wants to tell me I was wrong about her affair and that there is nothing going on. She said she could explain everything. I asked her to explain the 150 texts a day from this guy and she says they are mostly work related. I tell her I don' t believe her and if they are work related why does she delete them off her phone. She said because she delete other conversations with other people too. I said that I knew her texts were sexual and she said how did I know that and I reminded her that I read some of the texts the night this all came out. She didn't seem to remember that very well but said she flirts with guys (she did says guys which means more than 1) because it makes her feel good when they flirt with her because she doesn't feel attractive. I told her if she is not having an affair then she should not erase anymore texts and let me see what they are saying to each other. She then said her and I have trust issues (This is obvious) and she can't trust me. I asked her what I have done and she said I locked myself in the office the other night and she heard me typing away on the computer (I was posting on this site). She said she tried to get on the computer tonight (must be why she got home so early) to check the history but I had changed the login password (I did change the password to protect myself and she never uses the computer because she always uses her work laptop). After we started getting into this conversation I told her I don't think we should talk about this now, especially with the kids still awake. She then follows me out to the kitchen and asks me what I want in our relationship. I told her the truth. I want her and I to someday get to a place where we can be happily married again. She then asks me what are we doing now and told her I guess we are separated but living together. She wants to know what that means, and I asked her does she want to date other people and she says no. At this point I don't know what is going on. We go sit back on the couch and she asks what my mom and sister think of all of this. She says they probably hate her and I told her she isn't really popular right now. She then starts talking about her and I starting over someday. I told her if we ever got to that point we need to go to marriage counseling because we didn't last time this happened and she agreed. We then sat on the couch and watch tv for a bit before I put our sons to bed.

Here is what I think is happening. First of all I know I can't trust her and I have read that she may do something like this and then turn on me the next day. Anyway, I think I scared her when I told her I know about the affair and that's why she went snooping. She admitted that she wanted to look at the history on the computer to me. She asked me why I got in the trunk of her car last night and thought I may have planted a tracking device (I was just getting a pair of shoes I left in the trunk out). She also started explaining why I would see the OM numbers on her phone log today and that it was work related.

I think she is paranoid and she knows she has been caught. I know she had an EA at least with the OM and now she just admitted she flirts with other guys too. She says she has never done anything physical with any of them, but she likes to flirt. I actually might believe her that its only EA because as far as I know she has only seen him one time since the EA started and he does live 3 hours away. With the amount of texts they sent each other each day it doesn't look like they are hooking up during the work week and she has been home every weekend since this started.

Anyway when we were done talking she probably thinks we are in a good spot, but now I am the paranoid one. I know I can't trust her right now and I know she is lying to me. There is no way they are texting each other 150 times a day and its mostly work. There is no way they texted each other after midnight and its about work. She actually might be telling the truth about not doing anything else but she has got some serious issues.

This is all starting to remind me of her EA she had in the winter of 2008 - 2009. I shared a bit of it in my original post but basically from late December - early February she had an EA with a guy she met in another state while visiting her family. She texted this guy constantly and we lived in separate bedrooms just like now. She actually flew back in February to seen him, but ended up only kissing him and left. She came home and we were not talking. She wanted to divorce me and I said no. She tried to serve me divorce papers but I wouldn't sign them. Then one day while I was at work and she was home she went snooping on the computer and saw that I had visited some dating web sites. I had visited them the day before as almost a joke because I thought I would be getting divorced soon and I wanted to see what was out there. I didn't contact anyone and it was strictly for fun (we had been separated about 3 months at this point). When I got home she came after me accusing me of having an affair and that she couldn't trust me. I calmed her down, told her the truth and shortly after began to heal our marriage. It was like the shock that I might date someone else shocked her back into wanting to be with me. The conversations we had then were so similar to the one tonight it is scary.

My W has so many issues. I just hope her therapist helps her, because she is so confused right now. She had to cancel her appointment this week but I really hope she continues to go because she needs help.

Tomorrow, I am going to go back to trying to detach. I told my S6 I would take him to the high school football game tomorrow night if the weather is good. That should be fun and I think I have some plans lined up for Sunday. I am just going to continue to work on myself.