There is a big difference between W moving out like mine did and W willing to hang around but tell you it's over and want D. I would love to say that I would have the balls to tell her to leave but push come to shove I don't know that I could. Even knowing like Gump that she is full steam towards D and will move out anyway. It begs one question though if she is full steam ahead with D why hasn't she moved yet? Has she said why she is hanging around?
Yes, I agree, there's is a big difference (see that validating! - didn't even know what validating what 2 years ago!). I had both, W hanging around, telling me it's over spans pushing for a D whilst still at home - living like the mad Aunt in the Attic for 2 years. Any way zoom forward and she leaves. Following a conversation where she says you go or I go. I said, it sounds like a decision for you not me. She went. I get both sides. Lived both. You can't control either. I did tell her if it's that hard whilst I try then leave - several times. Eventually perhaps I did push her? Do I regret that 100% no. It helped my head and e kids - Noel battle ground now though - see my thread for update.
Why is she hanging around? They are defined by 2 things the WW in my opinion, guilt and resentment. Resentment becomes and addictive battle of spitfulness. She tries to engage you in this. As I have been advised by SH, CT et al, stay on track, it's her circus. Don't engage. Guilt is different. If she got, she know it looks wrong to the outside world. Why would a mother leave someone like you. A great dad, definitely not a monster. Perhaps a real catch - give or take normal behaviour. They know it looks like an affair. They k ow the look like a bad mother, slut etc (just paraphrasing). They also want to - you got it, numero uno "Eat cake". It's easier, comfortable, they can spew, get you to engage, help create a story about the monster husband, look like they are justified in leaving. Staying gives them time and money too.
This begs the question would I have left looking back with my time again? No. For the kids and me. They know I have a moral backbone and that she is the once that left, removed the wedding ring and perhaps one day they will work out that she had an EA, if not a PA with at least one man. They will also hopefully know that she put her before the kids and us soooo much.
Surfer.
M46/W40/D8/S6/T20/M12/Separated 6/2016,W takes kids Issues2009 Wpartying w/g.f's2013on EA2013PAdeniedWleavesMBR ImeetAP/EAhalts VariousBDDates MFCourse WSpew EAresumes I halt Wrages DBIng4/2016
- didn't even know what validating what 2 years ago!). I had both, W hanging around, telling me it's over spans pushing for a D whilst still at home - living like the mad Aunt in the Attic for 2 years. Any way zoom forward and she leaves. Following a conversation where she says you go or I go. I said, it sounds like a decision for you not me. She went. I get both sides. Lived both. You can't control either. I did tell her if it's that hard whilst I try then leave - several times. Eventually perhaps I did push her? Do I regret that 100% no. It helped my head and e kids - Noel battle ground now though - see my thread for update.