MLC, WAW or WW?? Who really knows? Help...pls

[ROE]

Gump, kids range in age from 11-17 (6-12 grades). D is going to be tough on them. It's for me a very deep and painful subject. W has been adamant for all of 2016 about wanting a D. Including garnering their support. I don't think she had their full support but she's threatened it many times including in front of them. My oldest approached me over 12 months ago about her concern and embarrassment of W's behavior with OM in front of her and her friends especially when I wasn't around (keep in mind OM was my BF and neighbor). OM was around a lot and apparently in my absence their friendship pushed the limits to the point my kids took notice. Mostly my 2 oldest. Other neighbors and friends also spoke up to me about the same time of the strange relationship and interactions. Now keep in mind these are our kids as well as friends from her side so by the time they had the courage to speak to me the actions had most likely already been noticed much earlier and deemed serious enough to approach me about them.

Long story short, yes the children are the biggest collateral damage and I am willing to live as is for them. But W continues to inflict damage toward me as well as continues to disrespect our M, blatantly. So, I have to make a decision or show our children that as a spouse you have to make difficult decisions in the face of a difficult situation. Stand and fight for your M or take the easy way out and take flight. I choose the road less travelled. Stand for the M and understand that there is a point when you must let your WS go to save the relationship. What do I teach our children by running away so easily and just giving up so quickly? Nothing. There are no lessons in this. Do I become a doormat and show our children it is ok to be walked on and take someone else's abuse as though it's deserving of me? No. I have stood solid for over a year maybe closer to 2 if I want to split hairs. I have swallowed my pride and lost respect and dignity over standing. I don't think it's wrong to stand. Quite the contrary, I think one must stand for what is right and a M is worth standing for as long as one can endure. Maybe without children I might choose to stand longer. But I have eyes watching both W and myself. It is not right that our children think it is ok to disrespect their spouse nor is it right that they think it is ok to take on such abuse and disrespect from their spouse. It's truly a double edged sword and quite a difficult balancing act. So where do we as LBS's draw the line for the sake of our children's development and future? We must define this ourselves and lead them by example.

This is uncharted territory for me. I do not know what the next move will be. But with prayer and help from those who have taken similar journeys and my faith I choose to move forward in way that honors God, family and self. I'm not trying to be self righteous or holier than thou. I'm just trying to do what is right. Then hopefully I have made the right choices that will influence my children in the best way for their lives and that I have hopefully at the same time honored my M and vows in a way that will draw my W and their mother back into our lives.

I really don't know what I'm doing or what comes next. I'm barely smart enough to realize that I need help and guidance. That's why I'm here.

Stepping down from my soap box now.

ROE