Cherry, h is filing. Working on me

[Cherry]

Yeah surfer and phoebe, they're blind to reality and self absorbed at no matter what cost.

I've felt so tired all day long today, just absolutely drained! Managed to get a few things that needed doing done so that's good. Had yet more vivid dreams last night, they would all involve catching wh cheating on me. So not pleasant at all. They felt so damn real too, I'd wake up feeling both hurt and angry.

Just riding the waves of these emotions.

[Vanilla]

Congratulations Cherry

V

[Cherry]

Thanks V.

Another bit of an exhausting day and night. Again he didn't come home from work, still hasn't. Nor does he bother to let me know anymore. Struggled with vomitting and calming down s who was saying "daddy's gone" over and over and wouldn't sleep. Finally got him off to sleep.

Just feels exhausting. I'm so hurt by his lack of caring, like I do not, nor have ever meant anything to him. And I guess, yes, I do have a lot of jealously of the ow- because she has all his attention. She has him caring for her when he used to care for me. It's just all way too hurtful.

[Buxom]

Oh Cherry, you and S deserve better. You are a great mom doing all that you do. I can't know what you are going thru but I am with you in this when needed.

[Cherry]

Thanks buxom. I need to get to a place where I'm not bothered by any of this. I just feel like I'm too attached to the he that he was and grieving the loss of my m.

[Buxom]

I hear you. We are both grieving the loss of M and our future we planned.

Takes two to make a R and one to destroy it.

I read the Lighthouse story each day and try to keep to my self improvements. It is difficult to do on days when they interfere with some comment or silence or whatever the next obstacle is. I'm working thru my codependent stuff but it's going to take a long time before I'm able to not respond to his emotions and moods.

[PsySara]

Cherry,
Don't be jealous of the OW, she has gotten a pod person and not your H. This man is not the man you married, he is some invaded creature who wouldn't even recognize himself if his past self was brought into the now.

Remember that even if the divorce goes through it doesn't mean anything but a report to the state. It can be changed back in the future and you will call the shots then! If you can get a maternity massage, I always wanted one of those but never got one. So please get one and report back so I can live vicariously through you, lol!

[Phoebe]

Cherry, Sara is exactly right. OW has gotten a poor facsimile of the man you thought you knew. Right now he is no prize. Maybe that man still exists, and maybe not. Only time will tell.

Here's the things, though - You wouldn't want him back in his current inconsiderate, selfish, self-absorbed, crappy-parent state right now, regardless.

Ask yourself a very serious question: If you met your WH in a singles setting and heard his story and witnessed his attitude toward another woman, would you think you wanted to share your life with and raise a family with this person, or would you be thinking you should run as fast and as far away as possible?

Right now WH is toxic, and he has lot of work to do to get the poisons out of his system.

You, however, are rising above his red tide, and learning to not only survive, but to thrive without him. You won't feel it every minute, but slowly you will get there.

We all will.

[Surfer]

Cherry,

Great advice from the ladies. From a mans perspective you are a real prize of a mum and lady. Don't you forget that!

Very proud of you. Keep going.

Do you want to move out really, find your own place? How will you justify this - "you left me no choice?". That's what my WW said, to justify her moving out. Can you afford it? What help will you get in terms of state help?

Mmmmm Your choice. But let him feel the pressure and go. You stay in that house. Once you go, you can move back, but I bet he will move the OW straight in.

Just thoughts! Apologies, a bit more practical today, don't stress over the house, just think calmly. No knee jerks please! Focus, make the right choices.

Surfer.

[Sotto]

Ooh yes, just to chime in here. Believe me, neither your H or OW win any kind of prize if they end up together. It's very much a wooden spoon situation and both would likely come to realise that in time.

You're doing so well Cherry and I'm glad to hear the scan went well. Take your time with the house situation and be governed by your practical and business side - best interests of you and little ones.

Xx