I can't carry on anymore. I'm not getting anywhere on the healing side. I have too many contacts with H ( 3 times a week), and I feel this is preventing from moving on because I still stupidly believe that because kids haven't met OW nor his family and no sign of D, there is still hope. Who am I kidding? His actions speak louder than words. I'm not worth fighting for nor keeping his family.
What triggered all that? I found out one of the kids has been unwell but he didn't tell me. When I challenged him he said he was expecting the kids to tell me, while saying that he walked away. I also found out that my kids during their holidays with their dad have been looked after by loads of people except him! Also found out he has taken some time off to take OW away for her 40th, but never done anything like that for me!
I know I emotionally reacted but I need closure and for me it's with D. I asked him to file because I felt he was being disrespectful by keeping me hoping. I told him that he clearly didn't want to fight for his kids nor his marriage, that he will never be sorry for what he has done, and that his OW is so disrespectful by putting things on FB about the two of them when we are stil legally married! He looked shock when I said about the last item! Does he really think I'm that stupid? Anyhow I know it wasn't DB, but I need to get out of this limbo. I need to built my life again and being married is preventing me. I go on dates but I feel guilty because I'm still married. I know myself well enough now to know that D will be the ultimate closure I need as the door will be closed and no more being friendly! I don't want to become bitter, but I'm still young! I need to move on with my life and enjoy every minute of it, not thinking about him and what I could have done to prevent it! It's not fair on me!
