However, they don't have a crystal ball to be able to tell the future anymore than I do. Although I wish I did.
This kind of projection will just make your situation harder.
I agree and I told them last night that I have to let go and move on. If I sit and stew with anger it will make everything worse and drive me nuts and definitely leak out on the kids.
Originally Posted By: cat04
While at this point you don't forsee her coming back, you never know what the future holds. I would suggest that for whatever relationship you have in the future, you learn how to let go of resentments, how to reverse the process as it's happening, and how to communicate and work cooperatively...
How did you communicate with her about your expectations/desires about housework?
You know, at first I was passive aggressive. Then I became more naggy. After a while, I let a HELL of a lot of things go and got to the point where I was just begging for her to put my stuff back if she used it and try to maintain some sort of order in the kitchen and living room. I didn't complain about our bedroom, bathroom, kids room, playroom, dining room, or even the front and back yards that got littered with toys and snack wrappers, etc.
I tried many approaches, including silently modeling for her, saying nothing and just cleaning constantly. Sometimes she would just watch me walk around and pick up her stuff and the clutter while she sat on the couch watching her iPad. Any time I have said anything in the past 3 months she has told me I'm controlling and a nitpicker. Yes, perhaps in the past I nitpicked about stupid stuff because I was used to living alone and having things a certain way. I got over that and learned to handle things being out of my preferred organization style. I am NOT a neat freak. I know I'm not. I leave crap all over the place on some days. But not in common areas where most of the time of the family is spent (living room, kitchen). As I said earlier in my thread, she brought baggage into the relationship. Her mother would force her to clean the house and when it wasn't done to standard, she would beat the crap out of her. I feel like I became an enemy, like her mother, that she needed to rebel against.
So YES, I have built up resentment. I have found this behavior to be disrespectful and inconsiderate. It got progressively worse over the last 2 years since the kids came around.
