I've been following your thread and am sorry you are in this situation with the rest of us. You are getting some great responses from some great mentors! I had the same questions as you about detaching when my H's complaints were that I didn't like him or want to spend time with him and that I didn't appreciate him (his feelings, not mine). How could backing off work when it seems I should be showing more love and attention than before? I've heard it said many, many times though, that "DB is counter intuitive".
I fought that consciously and subconsciously, but finally started to realize that it really was true. We just have to let them be alone with what is going on in their head. We are respecting their need to work on things alone, whether they realize that's what they are really asking for or not. In turn, we are being respectful of our own needs by working alone on ourselves rather than making us their problem.
Reading DB and DR is a great idea. As we hit different stages emotionally and mentally on this journey, different parts of those books will have more meaning and more relevance than at other times. Or maybe you're more receptive to certain ideas as you move along. Either way, re-reading helps.
I don't have much else to say other than you've got good mentors to help you through. This board is a life saver.
M-51 H-54 2D-27 and 25 M-26 yrs Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15 He moved out 10-3-15 D filed 1-27-16 D final 10-27-16
