Please get the book that Eric suggested. It is an excellent read and one that will open your eyes to co-dependency. Also, do an internet search of the topic if you don't have to get the book today...but it's a must read.
Like Jack, I am going to step back just a bit, because Eric's post hits home on all points w/respect to your updated posting of the missing years.
It's like I mentioned yesterday, people will make mistakes and learn from them. There are some that have to continue to hit the brick wall over and over again and this will continue until they finally learn the lessons that need to be learned.
You didn't break your wife, therefore you can't fix her. You've been trying to fix her for years and guess what? She's not done one thing to fix herself. Why? Because you've been there to fix everything and make her feel better. Let me ask you this...how do you feel when you fix things for her? Do feel proud and satisfied? Do you ever get frustrated and tired of fixing things that she should have been doing w/herself and life? If you say yes to these, then it's time to stop playing the handyman to her problem. Your wife will never grow up if she's not allowed to make mistakes, hit bottom and figure things out.
This is your time to figure out YOU! This is your time to figure out who you are and what you want out of life. This is the time to ask yourself some very hard questions and look in the mirror and decide what you need to change to be a better you. BTW, those changes need to become permanent and not just to woe your wife back. Do the things that you never had the opportunity to do before marrying your wife. Heck, I'm sure there are plenty of hobbies and projects that you could get involved in and enjoy.
Come here to vent, ask questions, seek advice and yes, we even will challenge you on what you post. But know this, we are a family here and we are all here to help one another. As Ginger pointed out, MLC, WAS, or whatever, ...the action plan is the same...give her space, leave her alone unless it's an absolute emergency and live your life to the fullest. Learn to love yourself and enjoy your own company. Do things w/your children that can be fun and yet, a learning experience too.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
