Eagle, I'm so sorry to come here and read that you blew your stack and told her everything. Please, please re-read Jack's posting to you. You don't tell them they need help because they think they don't have a problem...they think it's you. You don't say I love you to them because this makes them feel guilty for what they are doing and the more you say I love you, the more determined they are to pull away.
Listen, I do understand about the phone and texting. You can't control what she does. Now, she's going to be that much more determined to do it. She's acting like a teenager and what do teenagers do? For a bit, they will straighten up and go right back to doing what they want. She's rebelling and you are coming across as her father. You don't want that. Unless the behavior is totally out of control, learn to ignore it. Find something to do or come here to vent...but don't react to her antics. Read the detachment thread and you'll see that you hit one of the main pointers...reacting to her behavior.
Find ways to channel your anger. Use it to weed the garden, clean the house or take on a project that will require your concentration and strength...but don't spew at your wife for now unless she does something that will harm the children, etc.
Keep the focus on you and your children.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
