Do you remember anything that stood out in particular that your H did or said when got his epiphany?
Somehow I knew that question was coming. Actually, I have been asked similar questions by several others. My answer is that he was not the one who came to the DB board. I was. I was told, quite often, that the spouse who comes to the board....is the spouse who gets the information.
As for my H, if he read any information...it was when I was away from the house. He would not even agree to attend MC, when I asked.....which was frustrating, considering I was the one trying to do what my DB advisors said. I know it may sound odd to normal people who have conversation with their spouses.....but he isn't going to tell me, b/c he doesn't discuss his feelings, or much of anything else with me. Never has! I gave up trying to get him to have conversations with me. So, I will just have to give you my thoughts......(just what you wanted, right?)
I did see a side of him that I had never seen in all the years we had been together. The first confrontation, he was......sweet, kind, and considerate. The next confrontation.....he wasn't! Sometime thereafter, I was told that he finally admitted that he could not "make" me love him. If he had an epiphany, it was seeing that his NG ways, guilting, or some other emotional pressure wasn't working in this situation. I think he basically "gave up". He did discover my DB threads, so maybe he read more than just my posts....and learned about dropping the rope.
Anyway, he has changed from being the man with NGS. He doesn't let anyone run over him, and especially me. He calls me out on anything that hints of disrespect. I doubt he would tolerate any b.s. from me.....(I haven't tried it). He is more assertive. He makes decisions from smaller things to larger (even overriding mine......which I may not always like/agree, but I respect it and follow his lead). He still is a nice, kind, and even sweet person......when he is being treated as such, too. However, I don't see the symptoms of the NGS that I once saw. I have much more respect for him, than I ever had in the past. IDK, maybe he learned from his painful experience.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Actually, I have been asked similar questions by several others. My answer is that he was not the one who came to the DB board. I was. I was told, quite often, that the spouse who comes to the board....is the spouse who gets the information. 