Need. Not want. Quiet time. Now that is stating what I have so unsuccessfully tried to explain to the STBX for years. Now it simply feels like a curse. In my mind I see myself in social settings and it is exciting. I crave the thought of doing it. I am even pumped up until the point of actually doing it. Then as soon as I step into the setting, BAM!, then the energy in me feels like it is sucked clean out of me and then I feel uncomfortable. Then it is only a matter of time before I feel the need to step away and I feel drained.
But, if it is a small setting with just a couple of people. I do fine. But afterwards I do need some alone time to recharge.
I am seeking out knowledge and reasons for this and the first good news, is it is not a curse and it is more common than I would have thought.
So now to break a lifetime of poor habits and an opportunity to create some new ones. Maybe...just maybe I can enhance my " social conditioning", same as I have with my physical conditioning over the past couple of years.
So you think that you can change that about yourself ??
I'm not sure that one can change themself from being introverted..
It's how we are built..
What you can do however, is to understand it, work within the confines, and embrace that about yourself, and understand how it plays into your activities, and communication.
For instance..
I know that I have introverted tendencies, and for the most part, I AM an introvert.
I understand that being passionate about something removes all of that, right up to the point that I "run out of gas" , and duck back into myself for a quick recharge.
As an introvert, I "think" within myself as well. I gather information, hear opinions and advice, then I crawl into myself to search for the answer that suits me the best.
As an introvert, I need to be really careful how I communicate. I give information as an introvert, yet I am guilty at times of expecting information as an extrovert.
Answers , for me, come in my time, yet I expect answers on my time as well, and that often doesn't play well into another persons criteria.
In my marriage, my ex was an extrovert. WE , handled communication very poorly.
She would ask a question, and want an answer on her time. Answers that I did not have yet. And I would become frustrated, because not only did I not have an answer yet, I didn't know how to communicate that I didn't have an answer...
The exact opposite for me, I would ask the question, get the answer, lather rinse repeat if it turned into a discussion of any depth.
My GF now, is also in introvert...
Sometimes we have a single conversation for a few hours, with lapses of quiet during them.
But we BOTH understand our communication style..
SH, embrace the tools that you have rather than to try and conform to what you think that you should be...
Introverts Unite !!!...Together!!!.........Alone.......
Originally Posted By: SH
Mach, would you explain a bit what you mean when you ask what I think my need for validation is? I think I understand the question, but I maybe overthinking it.
For me, there are times when I crave the noise, or the external validation. Like any person, I want to hear that I did a good job, I'm a good person, etc....
But I don't always want that. I am quite capable of trusting myself to know that I am a good person, or that I did a good job on something...
I get that from within...
So...HOW do you seek validation ?
How do you communicate ?
I think that you need to check out those lines from earlier too...
