What should I be doing (Working toward D 9)

[Coconut]

Wow, what a difference a few days can make. So after my last blow up with my W, I really decided I needed/wanted to get past my anger. I always felt stressed, I was uncomfortable being in the same room as her, and the emotional rollercoaster of every little trigger was exhausting.

I really made a conscious decision to get over myself, to accept where I am and how I got here, and that I had to own my happiness and not let it be hinged to the actions of others.

I started by making her a cup of coffee (my daily post BD AOS)apologized to her, letting her know that I was ashamed of myself for how I acted, that regardless of her actions she didn't deserve to be treated like that, and really offered her a heart felt apology. I then told her I didn't want to harbor this anger towards her anymore, that I needed to learn to get along with her (well enough to be in the same room) for the sake of future with S.

Then I started saying hello, goodbye and making every attempt to be civil, including her in conversations with S when she was around, and just really trying to be neighborly.

About two days ago, W asks me if I am going to sons Open House at school, I told her that I don't think I'm going to go (and she kinda huffed out of frustration), I then followed up with unless son is going (he usually doesn't) and wants me to go. I told her that since I wouldn't be living with son, I don't really need the info that is provided during the open house.

Then yesterday, W says (in front of son) that her and son are going to get frozen yogurt and I'm welcome to go. I told her that I didn't think that was a good idea (I'm not interested in family time) but I appreciated her asking.

Now my W's complaints about me where that I wasn't involved with family activities, and I was starting to get the sense that me declining these offers gave her the impression that nothing has changed with me. So this morning I addressed it with her, I told her that while I appreciated her inviting me to these activities, I signed up to be her husband, the Man of the house. Since I am no longer in that position, I am not interested in being friends with her and playing family, I told her my interest lies in being a father and continuing to find myself and moving on.

I let her know that I felt like her asking me to go get yogurt in front of son put me in an awkward position, because while I don't want to play family, I don't want my son thinking I would rather watch TV than go get yogurt with him. I told her that if it a special occasion and she thinks I may want to go, to ask me privately so we can discuss.