Keep Wearing Wedding Band? [Thread #3]

[Surfer]

This is the text. Minor amends. incl.

So, I had a thought. You are trying not to be hurt, I imagine...... So am I, and I am succeeding in part. However my thought is this. We are hurt in part because we want love and affection from someone that won't love us back. We are rejected. We can not control that. But rejected by whom? By the WS or the S? Yet do we really want the WS? I certainly do not. The S yes. So, as the downside Armageddon is separation and divorce - which is a distinct possibility - I do wonder whether to help detach it is useful to focus on why you don't want your WS? Should they come out of the fog, and I hope they all do - mine included, all perfect, but if not I will have to move on.

My WS has the following character traits, perhaps yours does?:

- She lies (absolutely deteste this)
- She manipulates (me and others)
- She is emotionally and potentially physically unfaithful
- She has betrayed her marriage vows
- She spews
- She re-writes history
- She harms my children and family emotionally
- She harms me and my children financially
- She throws tantrums
- She seeks validation from those who do not have my family's best interests at heart including mine and in particular my children

I don't know if there is more to add to this list, feel free to assist. To be clear, this is not a 'I hate my spouse list'. This is so I can recognise what the WS is. So I can make a conscious decision. Do I actually want this? My answer is no. If was drawing up a list of character traits for my ideal partners would any of the above be on it? No. So why do I want this person to love me? I don't.

I am going to use this list to help me detach (from WS only). I still have to co-parent with this person. But that is it. The door is ajar for the W - I hope she can see the light shining through.

Surfer.