The Fight For Self III

[CT1118]

New here, been here? So you want detached. So many are waiting/wanting to be detached. I have only been here since the start of July and now we are almost at the start of September. Detached seems like this holy grail in the distance for so many wanting. I would point to two things on that:
1. The old idiom, be careful what you ask for, you just might get it.
2. listen to the repetition we all receive when we get here, what is in the MWD books we were all told to read...essentially, whatever you do, have a goal.
So we read about detachment in these advanced threads, where people have bled emotions for months. The heroes of Newcomers like RSG, Surfer, Coconut, and Cherry (to name a few, all here are heroes in my book) - yet they all have different view points and different approaches, you may begin with many, but eventually stick w/ the thread which you prefer the most. And then we call out to the old guards, like Sandi, god love her, she has paid her dues and still continues to pay it forward; I wish we did not need her so bad, but she is so freaking good.

What is your goal of detachment and what do you want by it? Seriously, ask yourself that. Please. I may have, but do not recall crying out for detachment. All I wanted when I got here was a way to make my W hear me. She can't, "they" won't. And to get to detachment, I had not plan or goal. To arrive here, I suffered severe bouts of anger, acrimony, and loving confusion which I called detachment. All in a circle, all in an hour, all in confused time. But when I arrived, I was certain, there was no mistake.

Let me tell you, detachment is not pain free. Detachment does not mean you do not have to set time aside to visit the prisoner. Detachment does not mean you have attained expertise. Detachment is not the end of questions. Feeling detachment for the first time means you just got invited to the party, but not that you know anyone. When you get there, will you walk in and introduce yourself or will will you hug the wall until you talk yourself into feeling unwelcome and retreat back to the solitude of your home, hoping when/if the next invitation arrives you are ready for it?
I wanted to post a gentle reminder to all who post on the DB Forums that we need to remember that we have all walks of life that post here as well as lurkers. The DB Forums have some of the most wonderful people posting, but we do tend to sometimes get caught up in the moment and forget what we accepted in the "terms and conditions" for posting here.

One of the "terms and conditions" that is in the Policies thread that Cadet has posted is stated as: "Participants shall treat each other with respect, refraining from rudeness and foul language."

Let's try to be as respectful as possible to all posters. Each and every poster that comes here is hurting and yes, some are angry and disappointed in their spouses and/or partners. Let's try to be patient, listen to what they have to say and remember...we all have different opinions on how a situation should be handled. Let's not forget that we were in their shoes a while back and weren't ready to hear what the posters had to offer in the way of advice and/or pearls of wisdom.

Please try to keep the language as clean as possible. I realize that we all tend to forget that we aren't sitting around w/a group of friends just shooting the breeze and anything that we say is okay, however, we do need to be mindful of those who do come here to read our postings and sometimes the language can be offensive to others.

We all have been there and done that...so let's help each other keep the respect alive and the language as clean as possible.
I have said it before, nothing interesting will ever happen in your life while you sit by yourself in your place. Nothing amazing will come of deciding you cannot go out and meet people, nothing remarkable will come from sacrificing yourself only to your children because your spouse gives so little, nothing will be if you refuse to be.

Will you not change because of the security your old life provided? Will you refuse the adventure because of fear? Will you not accept your own journey as an individual because you have been conditioned to think it requires two? If I come as one, will you refuse to embrace me?

We all, and I mean all, want those other people back (why else be here). But detachment might just let you feel the wind on your face, blowing your ears back, and smelling the life, just like a dog's head out an open window. If you read this before you have detached, let these be the questions you ask, let this be your goal. Detachment equals moments. It gives you moments back. Not all of them, but some. Once you have some moments back, you may begin to ask "How I feel right now, how can I hold onto this?" And you will begin to seek it. Only then do you stand a chance of becoming someone so amazing that others will seek you. That may include your spouse, and it may not; hopefully by the, it will include you.

- CT1118, American Bad A$$. Still in the Fight.