Confused on What to Do

[Eagle11]

Well tonight was not the best. My W didn't get home until 9:00pm because she went to get a tattoo. I was upset because she didn't text me to let me know and I had my S6 asking me from 6:30 on what time his mom was going to be home. I couldn't give him an answer. It was so frustrating. I don't really care and I don't expect her to tell me when she is going to be late, but I would like her to tell me for the kids.

Before she got home I broke down and cried for the first time in probably a week. The emotions finally hit me and I was a mess. It was the most depressed I have been probably since this all started. It just feels like this is a losing battle. I just miss my best friend. It's so hard to spend everyday with someone for over 12 years and then she just chooses to no longer be with you over night. There wasn't even a gradual decline, it was basically over a 3 or 4 day period she decided to destroy everything we had. I know you all have went through it too and I know a lot of you have had it worse than me, but it just an awful feeling.

Then when she gets home she showed me the tattoo and it was the infinity symbol with the boys name in it. The crazy thing was that I got her a necklace from the boys that is nearly identical for her birthday. I bought the necklace about a month ago and they gave it to her tonight. Its so strange that she chose this as her first tattoo without knowing about the necklace. Another thing for those who read my original post. When she had an EA in the winter of 2008/2009 she came home after seeing the guy with a nose ring. She had never mentioned wanting a nose ring before just like she has never mentioned she wanted a tattoo. I always hated that nose ring because she kept it for a couple years after we got back together and it always reminded me of the EA.

I wanted to tell her that it was great she got a tattoo with her kids name on it but it would have been better if she actually showed them how much she loved them by being present. Anybody can get a tattoo, but it takes effort to be a good parent. Don't worry I kept my mouth shut.

Then the night gets weirder. She tells me that my sister posted something on facebook about my W (without actually calling her out by name) and it was not very nice. My W was not mad at me but she just wanted me to know. I have never told my sister anything and I told my mom not to say anything but I bet my mom did. This makes me upset. This is another obstacle in my way. I know my family means well, but I don't need them getting in the way. I think my W could use this as another excuse to get a D. She knows I had nothing to do with it but she will say something like she could never face my family anymore.

The night got even more weird. My W is talking to me about my sister and she goes to take a shower and gets undressed in front of me. She is standing there naked like its perfectly normal but we are having a conversation. She hops in the shower and proceeds to tell me about her trip last week. She of course left out the details about the OM and I didn't bring them up. I really think something happened last week with the OM. I just have a gut feeling. When she was telling me her story she told a couple of details that I know were lies or didn't add up. She also told me they had been drinking that night at dinner. She said she had a margarita and I know if she drinks its bad news. Maybe she didn't do anything but just the way she told the story of her trip didn't add up to me. She actually volunteered the story to me and I didn't ask her about it. The whole situation was bizarre. She then got out of the shower and had me hand her a towel. There was absolutely no sexual vibes between us and she acted as if it was perfectly normal for her to stand there naked with me in the room. I know this was bad and I can't let this happen again. I was not expecting it, I honestly thought she would shut the door on me or something but she just got undressed without a care in the world.

I think I am ready for bed. I feel sorry for my W, but I also have a hate towards her tonight. I just feel the lying has become so natural and so easy for her. The A keeps escalating so quickly and I know she will be back to the OM office in 2 weeks. My therapist asked me today how I would feel if I found out the EA became a PA, but I couldn't give her an answer. I honestly don't know how I would feel or react.