update. had a longer encounter than I was prepared for with w. W texted me about when class was supposed to start that class got canceled. that she'd see me and D at the field. Also said she had a chair for me. (which is funny because I debated going and buying each of us a chair but my friend advised against this) D in the car told me she has good and bad newws. my heart dropped. she said the good news was that W had stopped seeing the "person" she was dating. I asked what the bad news was, D said she was just kidding she only had good news. I changed the subject. No idea who she was dating. D didn't say if it's a man or woman. took a lot to not ask.
we get there at the same time. I head toward W's car, it smelled of perfume (I'm assuming she had just put it on since perfume dies out after a while) W looked amazing as always. We sat on the field, quickly realized sun was too hot so we moved, W told me where to park my chair so I did. W sat behind / next to me. Not sure why. W was not on phone yet. We made small talk, D school, soccer, scheduling. (all conversations we had previously had...) W complained about the soccer expenses. I sighed, and I didnt catch myself but W did. W asked what was wrong, I said nothing. W said no something's wrong I said no just stressing about work and school. W asked a few questions about school, work. Apologized that she didn't know class would get canceled, said I could leave to go get work done. I politely declined and said I had planned to be here and can deal with work early in the am or later. W mentioned my sandals were nice (I've had these all summer, she's never made a comment) she asked where I bought them. I said thank you and told her. W took a few mins.. W- you don't really want to talk to me do you? Me- not at all you're kind of far and behind me hard to talk behind my back W stayed silent...then as always her phone started buzzing. W laughed, mentioned the neighbor kid texted her about D. W then did something I did not expect...W moved her hair closer to me. Not right next, she was still at a distance but she picked up and moved. I was in awe. (the old me would've apologized immediately for making her feel this way and moved my chair toward her) we continued to talk about practice. It was over, we packed up met the coach. Introduced ourselves. I as the step parent of course. Then I said bye to D talked hugged and kissed her. Turned toward my car and waved bye to W. A few mins later W calls saying they were going to go out for dinner asking If i wanted to join. I politely declined, no thank you I have a ton of homework, next time. W said ok, and we said bye.
what an encounter. a few key points. 1.I am starting to tell when W is not dating, she's a lot nicer to me and I can just feel her more "connected" to me, and she just talks more and laughs more with me. 2. This is her second relationship in 5 months. 1st one was a full on EA-PA and she was so "in love" (not sure I was posting on here but I did receive some texts meant for OM one night so I am confident she thought she was "in love" / D told me when W spoke on phone or facetime with OM they were saying I love you's) 3.I don't want to become that "In between" where she runs or turns to me while W's not seeing anyone. yet pushes me away and is crazy alien W when she is. my main concrn is this: 4. My W has some serious self esteem and confidence issues. since day 1. I was always aware so I'm confident when I said I did not make negative comments about her looks. (I did once tell her something didn't look that great on her, which I didn't know W took as me telling her she was ugly, but I know now!) Because W fears rejection and these self esteem and confidence issues W rarely initiated anything, from basic hand holding to sex. W does not like and do well with rejection. So my Issues and question is this, -Why would W pursue me or want to get back in R if she feels rejected? for example me keeping it short and sweet makes her feel like I don't want to talk to her, declining dinner is rejecting spending time with her. Can someone give me some direction here? I feel like W will not pursue and think this is pointless if she feels unwanted by me. hellppppp.
thanks for reading my novel and for replying to me!
