Cherry, h is filing. Working on me

[Cherry]

Thanks rouky, it was a relief for sure!
Coly, you're right. It was certain one of those moments that kinda wake you up and make me think "that's a real person in there". Sounds a bit stupid, but maybe I just don't believe my luck or maybe my focus has just been elsewhere. But while having that scan done- I didn't even really pay much attention to him. Whatever his thoughts or whatever, where exactly that. And the baby and just watching it intently was all that mattered to me.

SH, it was quite an awakener regarding fear. Realising that you know we really do cope with situations once we're in them. The fear is just irrational worry. I have a tendency to over think all of the what ifs. And the lady really spoke to me, the be the warrior not the worrier lady, and the fact that she conquers her fears by making a hobby out of one of her fears. And how she felt she had two personalities a confident work and then an introverted personal one. That spoke to me. I work in legal, I do many a presentation every day. I speak to the big bosses of a multinational company I work for, and I do it all without thinking twice. I come across as a strong confident business woman. But yet it's my attraction and addiction to one man that has me weak.

I am ready to do more homework!

Not seen h this evening, hasn't come home from work. And you know, tonight I'm feeling quite whatever. I'm not thinking where he is or what he is doing. No matter what I do or say he will walk his path. So in going to pick my sh!t up and get walking back along my own.

Yes I love him. Yes I would like him back. But not like this, I keep reminding myself of his current characteristics, the fact he doesn't respect me, doesn't cherish me. And his thoughts on family and his own child are not the marks of a good man in my eyes