Taking my first sip of the water

[ATPeace]

G,

Alright, quite bit to catch up on here in the past couple of days. I have several points the I will make, some more homework and commitments that I will extend, and Thors Hammer will make an appearance, because you are becoming immune to the sledgehammer now.
I am going to try and do this in several posts so as to keep them a bit shorter and break it up for you,

Careful, someone will think you are taking lessons from Sandi in how to write loooooong posts.

You know, because we don't want any rumors floating around in here......right?

BUT I do ask that you commit to reading each one and responding...to....each..one.
Point on that in a moment.

My dear friend, Ghost ATPeace, read each one of your posts below and tell me what you see.

Ok so been here a very long time and have been helped by so many over the months.

SH_ thank you for standing by me I have started in the homework and I. Have watched a couple of the guy winch talks found them very interesting

So I am really going to do my best to make this next thread all about me and what I can do to help me.

I have been training with a personal trainer and although I have been packing on the muscle I know this by the weights I am now able to lift I still find that my weight is not shifting so diet is 80 % of what is the problem

I would say I am about 60 lbs over weight I realise it is not just about weight it is more about how I look and how I feel so I will use this as a guide

So for the next week I am going to monitor exactly what I am eating and I am going to make a reall effort that each and very time I go to grab something unhealthy instead I will DRINK THE WATER - TAKE A SIP and eat something healthy instead and at the end of the week I will weigh myself again

Every day I will start the day with 30 minutes of exercise at home. I have been paying a huge amount for a personal trainer and he has helped me but it is time I helped myself.

Goals for this week

Be more in touch with my children's needs I will spend a measurable amount of quality time with each of my children.

Do my share of the housework and I will decide what is enough.

Not get drawn in to arguments practice empathy and validation

I am going to look for somewhere to volunteer and by the end of the week I will report back here and let you know what I have found.

Ghost

sandi2 thank you my W and I have been getting along very well over the past three days it seems that when we are out of the house things are so much better

We have pretty much spent three days in each other company along with our younger children and the atmosphere has been very pleasant. How do people realise when they are getting to the piecing stage and what does that normally look like ...I do not think I am there but when I have good days and I feel happy and content and we we are in each other's company and making each other laugh and smile we are acting very much like the mum and dad that we are with our children and to anyone looking in we would be almost the ideal family how do I keep this going .....I know by not talking about the past I am not opening old wounds so STFU but is that not just putting things into denial is this not just sweeping things under the carpet

I have been feeling really happy the last few days and I realise that living in the past and bringing up the past is not working to make anything any better between us.

So all through my marriage my W has never been the one to initiate things it has always been up to me to take the first step so how does reconnecting with ones partner normally happen ?

Is it over time attraction builds again ?
Is it one day boom things just happen ?
Is it one day I say to her I want to be closer to you ?
Do I one day just reach out and hold her or hug her or hold her hand and see what happens with her reaction ?
Do I one day say to her look we have been getting along well for the past three months can we start to try and rebuild things ?

Suppose we were out and some guy started showing her attention would I just let it happen stand back and say nothing or walk away or would I be in his face what do you think your doing mate she is with me,????

I really struggle to know sometimes what to do and how to move forward ...I don't believe that moving forward has to be moving out the family home. I want a different relationship with my W and I can see that what we had before was crap things would need to be very different but I am not sure how I go about letting her know that I realise what was not good and I want her to have as much input into rebuilding things but right now she does not want to rebuild things

So is what I am doing working ...yes and no ....she has not moved out we generally get along but it is not rebuilding attraction ....it might be rebuilding other feelings that in time will rebuild attraction.

I want her to initiate things but for this to happen I have to pull back and I feel pulling back will put distance between us.

I REALLY do feel that I am much more level headed and I actually feel a little more I I control and even tho this post has been a little about her I feel I am starting to grasp things.

This is the first morning in ages where I have woken and have not had fear or panic and I would see this as progress so thank you

Ghost

Ghost
Respond to this post and then read the next.

Ok,so I see myself,thanking people,for,their help but then going and doing very little,to move forwards

I see myself starting to be positive and I want to do the right things but then I fall back in fear and end up circling around