Taking my first sip of the water

[SH_]

Aww crap...
So here is the 4th installment even though I promised only a trilogy.

I'll keep it brief.

You have received some great information from sandi2, and you should read it closely as it relates to forgiving yourself and moving forward.
Print it and read daily until it is etched in your head.

Rouky shares a great way for you to start changing your brains poor programing about your F-word and negativity. Heed the advice as it is simple, doable, and by simply being consistent you will experience a change.

And I don't want to undercut any other advice as it relates to interacting with your wife, but I would say caution is needed. your posts indicate this is more for and about you than it is about her. You could really push things in a direction that you do not want. Stay focused on you.
Your postings are not showing that you have change to be the man she would be attracted to.
Stay focused on you. Heed Cnuts thoughts on get yourself out there and meet new people. Hiding from that will not help you. So just do it.
My friend, I say this to you as much as I say this to me as it is something that we both need for progress.

So just do it.

"Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder." -Nathaniel Hawthorne