Lost at the moment (2)

[lfm]

Thanks Coconut, we have actually talked about D, and I believe we are mostly on the same page. I do hear her making references to thing we'll do in the future as a family, like vacations, etc., so I don't think she's completely accepted that D is the outcome here.

I on the other hand am at a point where I don't want her back and here's some of the big reasons:
1) She has flat out indicated she will never cut off contact with OM, and she works with him, so her A will never truly be over.
2) I mentioned earlier that I believe I was in love with the idea of her, meaning having someone there by my side, but our relationship has been so far off of what I think it could be that I don't believe it could be saved even if that's what we both wanted, and neither one of us seems to want that at this point.
3) I'm happy with where I am right now. I've finally started to find the person I should have been all along, and feel that I'm going to lose some of that if we were to decide to try and reconcile, fall into old habits, etc. Similar to the addiction that our spouses are in, I feel I've been "addicted" to the behaviors that contributed to us getting to this point, and returning to the thing that is the source of that addiction would be a bad thing in the end.

In my case, I don't know that hitting this point earlier would have made any difference. Maybe it would have. I just know that I'm finally here now, and I'm happy with how I feel and about myself and the person I am at this moment. I'm not thinking about geting involved with someone else at this point, still have plenty of work to do on me, but it feels good to be free and to see the rest of my life ahead.

With that said, it does make me sad to think about what this might do to our kids. It also makes me sad to think about being 70 years old, at a breakfast table drinking coffee, recollecting on a special moment from our time together and knowing she won't be there to share it with. But that's okay, I think that D is in each of our best interests at this point, and that's okay too.

I do agree with what you've said though. For most of the members of the board, if they could let go and get to the point I'm at right now, it could make a big difference. The one thing I have learned, that hopefully anyone reading this can take something from is that no matter how much you think you've let go and dettached, you're never actually there, until you get to this point where you have not interest whatsoever in what your wife is doing. If you can get to that point, then you've trully dettached.

Thanks for the continued support guys!