Trust the process. The process is DBing. The process is learning to detach and not react to what others say or do in a negative way. The process is to have faith in yourself. The process is to help you help yourself in any situation. It will work if you practice it faithfully. It can and will work in all walks of life and not just for saving marriages. A prime example right here on this forum right now is Lou. Read her threads and you will see just how far she has come in the last year and yes, her h is moving back in w/her.
As for what Wonka mentioned about thinking a 7 year old was 3...that is very, very true. Why? Because the depression is so thick and the person in crisis doesn't realize just how much time has gone by. Many of the mlcers begin to wake up a bit and make comments about their children being a certain age or they purchase toys for their children that they have long ago left behind in Toyland. Time creeps for them. And, one more thing, the MLCer is expecting you, the LBS, to be right where they left you when they entered the crisis. They have absolutely no clue that time is moving faster for you and that life does go on and does not stop and yes, we all do change as time moves along.
So, the first order of business is for you to have faith in yourself. Stay the course, find a way to focus on you and leave your wife to twirl in the wind. Read the detachment thread and dig deeper for patience because she will try your patience along the way. Actions speak louder than words. No matter what you say or do, she is going to do what she needs to do in order to heal.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
