Confused on What to Do

[Eagle11]

Kyh, I haven't read your thread but I am going to check it out tonight.

She has switched to facebook messenger for her contact with OM now and that's probably a good thing for me. I don't have her password for that and I can't snoop. I know snooping wasn't doing me any good but it was almost like a drug for me. I was addicted to see if she was texting the OM. Like this morning when I saw her texting over and over and still had to check to see if it was the OM she was texting. I've been with her 12 years and I've never seen her text so much, so I knew it was him. I checked our previous 2 phone bills and she average about 1200 texts a month total and she texts the OM 2600 times in 1 month. It's just crazy. Sometimes I think this is all some movie or a bad dream. I've actually woke up a couple of times and looked over to her side of the bed but of course she wasn't there.

I saw a therapist today for the first time and she explained the affair the same way you have. It's like a drug to her and she can't get enough right now. At some point reality will kick in and she will wake up, but you just don't know when that will be. I see your point on the snooping. If she realized what I was doing today with my snooping it might actually make her want to do it more. Sometimes I feel like my 36 year old W is 16. It feels like I'm back in high school.

It feels like overnight she just decided to rewrite our history and fall out of love with me. I don't understand how this is possible. I honestly don't know her anymore. If I were to describe her now I would say she is a liar, cheat and doesn't respect anyone. The crazy thing is that a month ago I would have described her as loving, compassionate, driven, etc. How can someone change so much in a month.

Finally, I didn't tell my wife to leave but I did ask her to leave so she could find herself. She actually agreed but then changed her mind. I still think if she would leave it would be better for our sitch, but I know that is not going to happen. I am not going to push her on it though. My problem is I feel I have been a doormat in our relationship. I feel she has been the one in control and i go along with her. I was thinking about the major decisions in our life and if we had opposite views we always went her way. I was almost going to get tough with her on this and change my ways when I thought she was a WW, but now that I think she is MLC I guess I need to remain more a doormat. I guess I feel being a doormat she won't realize how much I am trying to improve myself.