Lost at the moment (2)

[lfm]

Good morning all,

Sorry it's been a while since I've been here. Here's the update for the group.

The decision to go ahead and file has been a good one for me. I've finally been able to let go completely. I'm not worried about where my wife is, I'm not snooping, I'm not tracking her phone, looking at her phone useage or anything anymore. I'm letting her do her thing with no expectations or comments about what she is doing. I'm also doing my own thing and am not worried about what she thinks.

My trip to Fort Worth was great as I feel like I finally started to find myself again, and didn't have the weight of any self imposed expectations. I barely had any contact with my W while I was gone. The limited contact I did have was a couple of text messages about the kids and the house.

As far as the filing, it is temporarily delayed as my atty is standing up his own practice and wanted a couple of weeks to have things calm down so that he could provide the best service possible to me. So nothing until mid-September there.

In terms of my decision to proceed to D, I've recognized that I don't want my wife back at all. The reason for this is that I've figured out that I was holding on to a fantasy of what I want my relationship to be with her, and that it's something will never come anywhere close to being real. In reflecting on the past 20+ years I think that while we may have been in love at one point, that we got married more out of it being the expectation at the time, and that we were to young to really question if we should get married.

I feel at this point that I'm finally finding a sense of peace regarding the situation I'm in and that I'm ready to move forward without my wife. It's not something I've decided in the heat of the moment, I have a couple of weeks to think about is this the right thing for me, and I whole heartedly believe that it is.

In terms of everything else, I am back in the MBR, and we are still sleeping in the same bed. I've spoken with my W about the divorce and we recognize we'll be selling the house at some point, but want to make sure we get through my oldest daughters senior year before making any further plans on that, but that I'm going to proceed with filing in the next couple of weeks.

I've got no expectations at all on a reaction from her in filing. She's going to do what she's going to do and I'm going to continue to work on myself and to be the best dad I can be.

I need to spend some time getting caught up on everyone else's situation, and I'll of course continue to provide updates.