Confused on What to Do

[Brubeck]

Hey Eagle11,

J3B suggested I check out your thread. I can say if your wife is in MLC, it's not as bad as can be, but I know you're really hurting brother. She doesn't sound as unhinged as some of the other stuff I've heard here. If she's the career-oriented type who works long hours, there's a big instinct in her to keep everything self-contained and in check. If she's seeking any kind of therapy, that's a start. Most people in MLC do not bother.

Get out of the house, even in the daytime. Being a stay-at-home parent can drive anybody crazy, even a homebody. Your sitch just makes it worse. Get something going in the daytime with S2 that takes you elsewhere. Your home is Ground Zero for your marriage problem. Even with her away in the daytime, your environment reminds you of what's going on. Think of something that S2 can enjoy - just walking in the park / beach / playground is enough.

Many nights my W goes jogging for 2 hours. Even with her out of the house, I still take my boys to the park for an hour, the change of scenery helps.

For a 180? If she's gone so much, try and think of something to create the vibe there in favor of your boys. Put up a tent in the dining room or backyard and camp there for one night. Visit Dad blogs to see what kind of DIY adventure projects you can do around the house (they're always cheap). Cater to your boys. It takes a strong moment to stop thinking about her and focus on your boys, but once you do - you'll be on a roll.

Buying a house 2 months before she does a BD doesn't make sense. However, many things in MLC don't make sense. She might have seen the house as an insurance that you'll stay put.

In my W I have also seen the changes in body language and tone of voice your W shows as well. It's something that goes beyond "she must be tired / mad". During my W's angry rants, she will start to talk in this scratchy hushed tone, like she has a sore throat. Then, she'll start to sway her head side to side - very slowly. It's weird. Read other threads, you'll come across many instances of LBS's who encounter 'shark eyes'. You may have seen it in your W already.

Leaving the phone out may indeed be a test. She may want to you to find texts you don't want to see, and initiate something she wants to have but doesn't want to start herself (separation, divorce, or just a big nasty fight).

Maybe I didn't go over your threads thoroughly, but how ENGAGED is W with your boys? She may be friendly, but does she interact with them on their level?

I see the toughest part about your sitch is that she's away so often, what little contact you have with her doesn't give you much input one way or the other as to where she is. I would definitely follow Sandi2's 37 rules.

I am detaching by basically thinking of myself as a single dad, which I think will work even better for you. Take them along for everything you can. It's a chore to do. Everywhere you go - diapers, baby wipes, juice boxes, you know the drill! Just pace yourself and know you have all day to do it. All you really need to do right now is spend time with your boys and love them.

I don't know if you need to hear this, but I need to be reminded constantly, so I'm telling you out of courtesy - you are NOT crazy, and none of this is your fault. You are just in a crazy situation. This is the battle you did not choose. Hang in there.