Thanks JK. I changed Ls and I think I see a little tiny glimmer of hope. My previous L kept advising me to stay in the house. This ran counter to advice I had been getting from a lot of people, including friends, family, and other Ls that I knew. Everyone knows what a toll in-house separation is taking on me and my children. I just don't want to see W or any of the triggers anymore.
So I finally bit the bullet and switched Ls. It seems like I may be able to move out sooner than I had expected. I have a potential place chosen already. We will arrange for shared parenting. W seems more amenable to the parenting schedule I proposed. I have been disappointed so many times before, so I am not holding my breath, but I just don't want to be in the same house with her anymore.
Some have asked why I don't keep the house. I don't have a good answer. I think I would have a fight on my hands if I tried. I don't think that prolonging the D process and making it more contentious would be good for me or my children. The truth is that the house has OMs grimy prints all over it and a lot of bad memories. I don't know if this is sufficient grounds for NOT fighting for the house. I hope I am not making a huge mistake. Anyone have any thoughts?
On another note:
Originally Posted By: Sandi2
I hurt my H very badly. I thought about what I had done every single day. I would pray, cry, read, or whatever.......trying to forgive myself, b/c I had no peace in my soul. I learned that it is harder to forgive yourself than anyone else.
Every day & night........and all in between........something would trigger my mind to think of my betrayal. If I was at work or around anyone, I would silently tell myself that my H forgave me, and that God forgave me, and for me to not forgive myself was not what either (my H or God) wanted. I would silently pray or recite scripture to give me strength to get through that period.
I saw this on ATPeace's thread from Sandi. What is not clear to me is whether Sandi felt this way while she was still wayward or only once she had started to return from her waywardness. I suppose it does not make a huge difference anymore, but I often wonder if my WW feels this way. She gives no indication that she does, but it would at least make it easier for me to pity her if I knew that she actually has a conscience that is bothering her. Sandi, I don't know if you'll see this, but if you can weigh in that would be appreciated. Any other DBers have any thoughts about this?
