(Terry Jones): I think she's dead.

[LoisB]

Thanks for the birthday wishes!!!!!

Having an awesome day so far. Going out to dinner with my aunt later for some traditional southern cooking :-)

Still hafta stay focused to get some work done. Blah.

Looking like I can purchase a car in the next few weeks. Looking at the responsible choices... Accord, Civic, Ford Focus, etc... Also, considering a cute little used blue Beetle. It would be super fun. Not sure yet which it will be.

Matt sent me a Happy B'day text. Strange and sad. I took some Job advice and asked how he was. He said Okay, asked about the kids and the pets. Always with the pets!

I told him: "It's hard to fill you in, because so much has happened. You've missed a lot. I don't mean that as a slam, but it's the truth. Cal is doing great at her job. I'm super proud of her. Louisa is plain awesome. It hasn't been easy, but I'm proud of all of us. Things are settling down and I'm grateful.

I received... "All three of you girls are awesome. I'm sorry I've missed out. Take care and have a good birthday."

I took the cue that the convo was over. So freakin sad. He has missed 4.5 years of his daughters' lives.

I'm not going to dwell on it. I had this moment of... "Whatta incredibly sad person" and I was able to send back some kindness for whatever hell inside of him created this nightmare for us all. Still feel that tug when he reaches out... always on a holiday... that tug of love for the core of the person inside.

I've grown so much. I can't believe I'm considering buying a car all by my lonesome. No man, no parents, not a single person rescuing me. Just lil' ol me. It made me even sadder for the man who walked away... because I'm so freakin awesome and so are my kids.