Hi AP, it has been a while since I wrote on your post. I completely understand where you are coming from with the fear and being negative. I also agree with you it's hard to detach, but would you mind if I gave you few things that have helped me.
The first one concerns the negativity and low self-esteem, as I have suffered from it (and still does), I know how hard it is to break what we are familiar with. As a general guess, people don't like changes, unfortunately changes are always around. From the seasons, to you being lucky to be at work on time one day and not the next! Firstly how do I combat my negativity: each day I wrote something I'm grateful for. Today for instance I went to town at a busy time: I didn't find a parking space, so went round again a second time and it was waiting for me! Afterwards went to buy an extension lead, I wasn't too impressed with the price but I needed to buy it. When I went to pay it was reduced and it was around the price I wanted to pay initially! Thirdly my dishwasher broke down (old me would have been angry and devastated), but I looked at my sink and said my grandparents didn't have one and they managed without it, so what's the big deal!
It took me ages to see things in a positive way but I'm doing it and it works. It's a slow process to fight negativity, but if you put the work in and don't give up (I must have given up at least 10 times before I could see positives in my everyday life) you will feel better!
Low self-esteem: write down everything you wanted to do when you were younger and measure with what you have now. When I was a teenager I wanted to be a teacher, have my own house, get married and have kids. I'm now 41 and I have achieved all of them!
About letting go: again write down everything you had to let go willingly or not and see what came up instead. An example: 10 years ago I resigned from my job and moved back with my parents. Within one month of resigning I had a found a job and while with this job I found another one and met H.
Even if I'm here trying to save my M, I have looked at all the things I had to let go to be where I am and it turned out that it was for the better. At the time I didn't see it that way, but it is true.
I have been a negative with very low self-esteem person for 20 years and it is hard work, but I'm breaking that cycle and it takes a lot of strength but I'm doing it and feel better. I hope this has helped you.
