A WW? (3)

[lt0402]

Ok, responding to some comments from yesterday. Sorry I couldn't get to them earlier.

MV, yes, I am getting more and more tired of walking on eggshells. I am realizing that a lot of what I do around the house has been molded to her will over the years. I'm pushing away, picking what makes no sense, and letting her stew on it if it bothers her. I agree she has little respect for me, though I think that's slowly getting better. I need to do a better job of walking away when she's disrespectful, instead of allowing her to spew. I am making progress on no allowing her to step on me and feel more comfortable managing that. Still work to be done all around though.

Trumpet, I'd been leaning towards the same thought. It's good to hear someone else opine that way as well. I'm working as hard as I can to not respond in an outright, angry, or passive-aggressive way. It's difficult bc sometimes I just want to let it out, but I think it's necessary. I'm afraid though, that like your WW, mine will always view things as my fault. Guess we'll see.

My W has recently talked about the two of us going to see an IC to talk about our communication skills, but not about our M. That started after we had our blowup 2 weeks ago when I did let the anger boil over. My IC thinks this may be a good idea, but I'm still on the fence. I don't know that an IC could fix our communications w/o delving into the issues in the MR. We'll see. Maybe it helps highlight the controlling behavior and allows us to address it though.

I'm friends w/ Ws dad, sister, and sister-in-law on FB. W never really talks to them all that often though, so I don't see any updates on Ws stuff. I'm really completely unplugged from any of the Ws activities on there. W apparently has recon on what I'm doing, but it's not changing anything I post. I just like showing the world what D is up to, when it's just the 2 of us. Have been detached from W on the FB stuff since she unfriended me before first trip to see OM.

CT, I'm very sorry about your S meeting the OM. I know from your thread how hard that was for you. I can imagine how much that would impact me as well and it's not a happy thought. The way you are right now, is precisely what I'd like to get to. An honest man who will honestly be ok without her. I find myself caring less and less about what she has going on daily, but I'm not sure if that's detaching or just becoming numb to it. Maybe they're the same thing...

Regardless, I'm personally at a much better spot than I was at the start of this thing. I'm better able to handle the ups and downs, but I find the extreme swings still get to me. The blowup I had 2 weeks ago really helped me to become more stand-offish bc it let me see what she's become. Regardless, I'm extremely happy that you're at a point of detachment, you've earned it and you should be proud of it!

RSG, I'm hoping it's a temp check, as that would mean she still cares, but I'm trying to not overthink anything recently. My R w/ D seems to be going well, to the point that both of us are down bc I am away from home tonight for work. I'll try to Skype her so we have some communication before bed.

Best I can do I think it to not let myself be dragged into a fight. She's trying very hard to get me there, but if she wants it she won't get it. Were I to guess, she'll go to see OM soon to try to spark a fight that way, but I'll work through it and not give her that pleasure. Appreciate your continued example of how to do this brother!

Cheesyt, you're right. It's the hope that she is still the same wonderful woman on the inside that keeps me going. If you can't tell, I was a bit frustrated last night, and I appreciate ya'll putting up w/ my rant. Better to lob it here than to take action and confront W on it. I wish there was some sort of countdown clock to indicate when the WW would turn back into the W of old. Ah, how nice that would be!

[quote=Natus]Dont listen to cheesyt. Ship her off in that box you mentioned to OM. Thats the perfect revenge isnt it. :>

Natus, saving one of the best for last. You have no idea how tempted I am! Maybe i'll put holes in the box, maybe not... I needed this laugh! It's easy to lose the humor in this stuff, but everyone around here seems to have a good pulse on when each of us are getting too serious. Now I'll spend the day looking for a large enough box...

Thanks to all of you for your thoughts and support! To be able to vent/journal/look for support and advice and get it so readily from so many amazing people is truly awesome. It's helped more than I can ever express. I'm so appreciative for all of you!