Sorry you find yourself in this situation. It's the absolute worst. Can I suggest something, as a person who's made this mistake, now you've seen the phone records- take copies or whatever to use as evidence. But then don't look again, believe me if only causes more pain the more you snoop. You've confirmed now what she is up to- and it hurts like hell. But look after yourself and your sanity and don't look anymore.
I'm in the same situation as you, he's speeding all guns blazing to get a d, maybe they do this to ease some of the guilt. Idk. But the best thing that you can do is to take care of yourself. Like cadet says, the more we seem to hold on, the more they rebel against her. And anger, well that only gives them a reason to justify their feelings- don't give her that satisfaction
Cherry, I understand what your saying about the snooping. I have already found myself checking our phone records this morning to see if she has texted him today and of course she has. I originally had the phone records for the first 10 or 11 days of their EA, but then I thought she changed the password because I couldn't access them anymore. Last night for some reason I tried again and the password worked. I don't know if I was somehow typing in the wrong password or if she changed it back but now I can see their phone records for the the last month, which is the length of this EA/PA. When the records were loading last night, my whole body went numb and I almost didn't look at them because I was afraid of what I would see. I had in my heart hoped maybe things had ended because her attitude towards me had been so much better lately. I guess maybe she has just gotten more comfortable in what she is doing and she has gotten better at lying.
I need to talk to her about this but I don't know how. I am going to see a therapist tomorrow and maybe she can give me some advice. I know my W will not listen to what I say. I know it will probably take some outside influence or something to get her to stop, but it's so hard when I can't do anything.
I honestly don't think she wants to marry this guy or she is in love with him. I think she is just having fun and he makes her excited (she told me this when I originally found out). But I just wish she could see what damage this will do to her life, my life and especially our kids. I think she wants the quick D because of guilt and I don't think she has really thought about the consequences this will have moving forward.
M39, W36 T12, M10 S6,S2 Discovered EA 8/8 that started 7/31
