Newby here, desperate for some advice (thread 4)

[JRuss]

sandi2 -- please don't take what I wrote as a criticism of you or our posts or your advice. You have helped so many people. I was simply journaling on how hard I find all of this and the tensions I see between your at-times tough(er) love approach where a spouse is wayward and the 180-based, kinder, reestablishing friendship-based approach I feel is the DB way. Reestablishing respect and reestablishing friendship can overlap, I guess -- I'm just not sure I always see how.

I have no real idea if my wife is WAS or WW or some sort of outlandish, never before seen hybrid. Or whether she's just a wonderful woman going through a rough patch.

I have no real idea whether I have Mr. Nice Guy Syndrome, whether I'm a card-carrying codependent or whether I'm just a really confused, blind-sided guy trying to keep a family together.

So the confusion is deep and very real. It's not an act. I really am not sure about what is going on at any given moment, which leads to a lot of over analyzing on my part and a really scatter-shot approach to changing the dynamic in my R.

There is a lot in your post, especially at the bottom, that I want to dive into. The parts about why I do what I do. I think these will be really good for me to drill into, and I'm going to do that. Thanks so much for taking the time to stop by and offer your help!