My WW saga and where to do from here?

[sandi2]

In most cases we see involving a wayward wife, there will eventually be a build up in scenes of melt-downs, spewing, and whatever dramatic acts it takes for her to push her H to give in to her demands. She reinforced it during the session with the MC. This is all about self justification. Somewhere in her foggy mind, she knows her behavior is wrong. The WW tries to paint a picture of how bad her MR has been.......how awful her H has been, and therefore, persuading others to believe she is justified in her actions.

I think you handled things pretty well. I don't understand why you kept the MC appointment, b/c it was just another opportunity for her dramatic persuasion. MC needs to be postponed indefinitely. MC only works when both parties want to save the M and are willing to do the necessary work.

She quickly showed her colors when she was saying she would leave S with you, and you would just have to deal with daycare. When she was spewing with you..........notice how it was all about her wants and needs. And it appears she has a great need to date, at the moment. Even if it means leaving her son! Sad, but not uncommon with a WW.

Okay, so now you need to be on guard b/c she will get advice from all her females groupies about how she needs to get everything in the D. At the time of her big spew, her main issue was freedom to date. Her demands have not ended, so beware.

I agree that you need legal advice in knowing where you stand, child custody/support, protecting your finances, property, retirement. Etc. She will try to get everything. You are no longer dealing with the girl you M.

Be very careful what you reveal to her. It may feel strange not sharing, but it's for your own protection. Also, in the very near future, you may see different sides of her....kind of like different personalities. If she suddenly comes on as sweet and nice........that's a big red flag waving. It is not some sign she is reaching out or that she is reconsidering anything. No, it is her softening you for her next hit. If that doesn't work, she'll probably throw a tantrum. You may see everything from how happy she is in her new life.......to her crying and wanting comfort from you. Do not fall for any of this b.s. It is nothing more than acts of conditioning you to give her whatever she wants at the time. Sadly, many H's cave when they see tears, or if she comes on to him sexually, or if she just treating him nice. H's read this as some "sign". Well, it's a sign alright.........but not the signs she wants to reconcile.

I realize my words are not comforting right now. I am trying to give you information to use this week and those to come. Things will get worse, and that's okay.......b/c that's how it plays out before the WW will give up her fantasy world and turn back to the woman you remember. Please take this information and use it in preparation, so that when you see it unfold before your eyes.....you won't crash & burn.

These forums are full of H's who make a day by day report. They may say that yesterday was great b/c WW.........(fill in the blank). Then today he may say was awful b/c WW........(fill in the blank). Those H's are focused on the actions/behavior/attitudes of his WW, instead of focused on a plan for himself. He is actually allowing her attitude/moods to determine what type of day he has. Sure, the spouse can impact our day, but I also believe we have the power within us to emotionally/mentally separate ourselves from them (it's called detaching, btw) and go about having a good day......in spite of whatever that person throws at us. It's the same attitude we use on the job or anything that involves interaction with humans.

You may have to turn lose of the M.......to get it back. If you let go of the grip, you release the desperation, attachment, need to control, and all those other things that tend to make a LBS unattractive. Do not allow the emotion of fear to get in your head and paralyze you. A WW will smell it, and pounce on it.

The way back to a healthy MR begins with her respect. Until she feels respect for you, she will not desire to have you as her H. The disrespect kills her attraction for you. So, let respect be your light at the end of the tunnel. The bigger the light becomes, the closer the M has a chance of survival.

You might want to research about the importance of the wife feeling respect for her H as a man, and the connection it has with her level of attraction in the MR.