I got to the house, with pizza and salad as we had planned. W was on computer my new least favorite place...as "School" work on computer was code for "dont bother me i'm texting om". but anyway D was on couch, I came in yelled hello, no word. Walked into living room W didnt bother to say hi, neither did D. I sat next to her and she was crabby. I went downstairs to clean out cat litter as promised. took a peak in our old room (without W knowing), lighter (w's friends smoke, on MY side dresser) new / different charger, not iphone one that belongs to W, on my side too. (perhaps someone new?) two pillows, one on her side one on mine (but I took my pillow so she's only had one for a while). W came down shortly whispered to me that D is in one of her crabby moods and was making W angry. I thought, oh great, an indicator of the night. went back upstairs asked D if she was hungry D nodded but W didnt see so W said rudely "did you hear her, she asked if you were hungry". D responded to W. (It felt good to have my W make sure D was being respectful). I signaled D to go sit at dining room table. W got plates, I prepared our salad bowls. No Tomato for W extra croutons. just as she likes her salad. sat down and small talked. D's school, sleepover the previous night, friends, mall, earrings. everything. W talked about her little party last night. W asked me to tell her about my side job, I was pretty vague. W also asked how I was, changed the subject and avoided telling her. W also suggest I get a band aid for my thumb (have some weird blood wart/blister that popped today. I had a make shift band aid) I politely declined her nurse-like help. played our board game. W brought phone out, and played the song I texted her the other day. Not sure why, I feel like she played it for me. But who knows. W also had phone screen up, that's never happened as far as I recall. Even before BD. I read somewhere if they keep their phone down they're hiding something so for her to not only NOT be on it the whole time and to have it face up is big, in my book. Not sure in what way or what exactly it says, but it says a lot. We played a few games then W asked D to get her backpack. D brought out all the papers from the first week that parents have to fill out. W and I looked at them, I asked W if i could help filling them out, W said yes. W filled out a paper that said list your direct family members W listed... W, Me and D's Father. much to my surprise. I'm sure it's nothing, maybe even because I was there but I was surprised nonetheless. (as I am a step-parent, that W no longer is "married" to) We talked a little bit about scheduling before sending D off to finish putting her clean clothes away. I went down with D to chat and have some 1 on 1. I said my goodbyes after. Walked upstairs to get something form living room and say bye to W. W was on my side of couch, (she took it over once I left, she says she prefers my side, not a big deal just weird) W got up immediately and pointed out one of my shirts that I left there. reminding me to take it. I said thank you again, and was about to walk down stairs when W beat me to it. W walked down to the door and was not blocking it, but standing sort of in the way. I figured she wanted to chat more so I sat on the stairs...We chatted about D. I told W I ordered some stuff for D to please not open package. Talked about D wanting her new winter jacket (it's in W's closet) Then I got up to leave. W lingered, I wanted to linger, but I remember, No lingering. W said bye and reached in for hug. I made it a quick one said thanks for having me. W said of course. and I was on my way.
thoughts over all... 1. I felt like we were a family, not the same one...a better one. 2. Loved the phone thing...puts me at ease. 3. not crazy about weird things on my side of bed, but it could be D's tablet charger or phone charge... and Idk about the lighter. 4. I like that W wanted a hug. That always feels good. also liked she blocked the door. I had made it clear no hug would be initiated in my part. 5. loved that she included me on the immediate family paper. again could've been cus I was there but I'll take it. 6. D tests W...a lot, as she always has, but It was nice to let W be the mean one and I just sat there.
I made sure I was smiling most of the time, we laughed (W told me she knew she loved me when she heard my "real" laugh 6 years ago so I'm always conscious of that) we had a good family game night. So many variables, so many things that could be going on. I'm trying not to over think it. I left happy. for once. I didn't cry. (leaving my Family after gatherings is by far the hardest part of this all) was sure W would temp check me by text after I left but she didn't. and that's ok. don't need to have any interaction with W until tuesday. as W asked If I could take D to soccer practice. I said yes because even though W needs me to, and like always i'm there, I'll take the extra 1 hr I'll get with D.
my goal is to be a better parent. Even If the D happens and Daughter never sees me again, I want her to look back and not be screwed up in the brain because of me. I hope that in the process W see's i'm not a crappy parent as she painted me to be (I was just different than what she wanted, but I can adjust when circumstances change, i.e W is able to be more present because of school/work) and finally, W to see that together we make a better parenting team, and marriage.
I know I went into a lot of detail about the night, but I feel its important to try and remember everything. thanks for reading / input!
