Phase 2

[Pax_luv]

Thank you all so much for the support!!!!

I'm really proud of myself... And trust me those words don't come out of my mouth that often. I kind of only share this stuff here with this board because I think you all can appreciate the nuances behind why we do what we do. Don't get me wrong, I share this all with the people around me, but they don't get what's going on internally and emotionally.

These days, I feel free. Really. I think the Velcro that connected me to the old Feyth and old m, and old h... Has officially come undone. Detachment perhaps?!?

Trust me life isn't all roses and rainbows... I still deal with mundane cr@p at work and with friends and family but I'm able to handle it so much better these days.

I know I've been gaining momentum and it feels good. Thank god for MWD and the LRT... She did say in DR that your H may not come back, but your dignity will. And it surely has. Thank god!

I've implemented as much of the LRT as I possibly could over the last year and I think It's now second nature. Much love to this board... There are so many pearls that I continue to use to this day. One that always stands out is Cadet's gift of time! this really has been an opportunity to refocus and use this gift wisely.

I'm able to appreciate the little things so much more and continue to surprise myself with my transformation because I never thought I could get to this place. Yesterday, I was loading my bike on the bike rack and just that act alone meant a lot because I had to put the rack on my car by myself. Something I would not ever attempt if I was still with h. 1) he would usually tell me I did it wrong and 2) he would make me feel bad if I scratched the car and 3) I was too fearful to attempt it because of points 1 and 2. So even if I really wanted to ride my bike... I never did. Today, I did a 25 mile bike ride (big mistake after yesterday's ride-- ouch my little butt!!!!) and I was proud that I went out there by myself for a group ride and even thought I was cool sporting my new padded bike shorts... I certainly looked like I knew what i was doing and it was awesome! I'm not athletic and now I feel like I am and can be!

So.... I'm just rambling now because I'm tired but something has clicked the last month..... And I think I get "this" now.