The Fight for Self II

[CT1118]

It0402 - thank you so much. I really and truly appreciate those words and respect them. It seems as if each day brings a new challenge and a new opportunity. Knowing my W is now willing to allow her OM around our s4 and knowing that she has stated how little she cares for OM is a hard pill to swallow as a parent. I am detached and my emotions are incredibly residing in my son. But, IMO and for me, hitting detachment means what you hear in this place so often... accepting that our spouses are on their own journey, are free to make their own mistakes, and we hope that they will drive out of the fog at some point, but we are not in the passenger seat any longer.

I have expressed many times I do not want OM around my son. I might feel differently if she told me ILYBNILWY or that she loved him. Neither of those ever occurred. So, yeah what began as ego is now that I don't want him around my kid for my kid's health. Yet, I cannot control her and I accept that.

What I can do is change focus. Can I be the stronger parent for my son? Can I provide him with the tools to handle confusion? Can I refrain from pushing questions on him and from making negative statements about his mother's behavior? Yes, I control that.

Where does self-confidence come from? Strength or courage? Introspection? Corrective action? Change - long lasting and permanent change for the better? All of this comes from choice. And this choice is made for the self. Will not happen overnight, but once one accepts their journey and begins walking into it, the amazing can happen.

Hell has sent me many demons to confront and enslave me in this life and I allowed them to use me for a long time. Honestly at this point, those demons bore the sht of me, and that took all their power away.