A WW? (3)

[CT1118]

I now feel that I was pretty damn decent husband. Unless you had a drug addiction or you had an EA/PA yourself or you were violent w/ your W, I think we shouldn't self flagellate. Being insensitive is not grounds for D. It's grounds for two mature adults to talk and work out problems.
--FG

I did have a drug addiction. I confronted it. I beat it daily. I apologized openly and honestly twice to my W about and I meant it. But I will not self flagellate. I apologized and every day I don't use is a day proving my apology true. More important that that apology, I forgave myself for what I did. I did not cause the A, I did contribute. And now it does not even matter - I am not living in the past.

[quote=lt0402

What I discussed with IC is my WWs visits to see OM and how I felt they were disrespectful as well. Those, apparently, I can't control and the IC continues to preach letting my W go (i.e. Detaching). Working on it, but I still get sucked into the over analysis of everything she does/says. Part of my nature to be that way on things I care about. I do feel like her actions affect me less with each passing day though. Figure that's a good thing, but we shall see. Regardless, in house S, and acting like we are roommates (as my WW) would put it is not fun.
[/quote]

It0402 - I hit the very bottom with my wife a few days past a week ago. I was about 90% detached and she crossed the final line I had left and now she not only crossed that line, she built a fort there. And that was it. I am detached. Here is what it looks like: After the S began I was being nice - to get her attention. When S was two months old I agreed to go on the dates she proposed - to keep her attention. After 2nd BD I went DIM NC - to show her I meant business. After finding out she let my son meet the OM I got very very pissed at her - like it made a difference. A few days after that I realized I was detached - for me.
Boundaries no longer exist in the way they did before. Detachment, it feels good for me. I will do what I do. She can appreciate what I do or not, no different than all the other random women walking this earth. Heavy lifting is up to her now and the load is heavy. Yes, I still would like her back. Yes she is still worth a fight. But my strategy now is simply to let her see my greatest weapon; a weapon that did not exist at the beginning of the S, but one that was crafted over the course of this battle - an honest smile, worn by an honest man, who will honesty be ok without her.