MLC vs Midlife Reboot

[ciluzen]

Thanks for the congrats on the classes! I'll take them...worked my back end off (I really want to get into grad school!).

AJM...I have no doubt that I was happy being "us". I did have a bit of a yearning for people who "got me" other than H (at least he seemed to) and was toying with the idea of going back to school. But I had mostly resigned myself to just working on my art (he was very supportive of that) and preparing to spend our golden years together. My only real complaint was the amount of communication between he and Bubbles, and later, the amount of time he and we spent with her. Even this winter and spring, he still seemed very loving toward me when we were together...but then it was as if a switch was flipped and he'd remember that he didn't like me or (as he kept saying) "I didn't like him".
I saw a struggle. That was real. I saw that he felt "unworthy". I saw that he pushed me away, almost like a little boy that shouts "I can do it myself" when he told me "I don't need you!" with anger in his voice. It hurts, but I almost don't see it as toward me anymore. So, NC. I'm not in that picture. But yes, I do believe what we had was 25-ish years of real. That "us". I do know my (witnessed) memories line up with most everyone else's, not his. I believe the unwitnessed ones are pretty accurate, too. That's why.

Anyway, I won't let that be taken away. I have some very fond memories, and all of the family photos. And, as much as I'd like to say that I'm moving on...its because I have to, not want to. There is still that hope that something changes in the future. I just can't guarantee I will be available if it does.