Is it wrong to want to create my own boundaries with our children in regards to my H?
I don't think so. When my ex and her "friend" were living together, my son (then 11) brought him up a few times. I finally told him I appreciate he wanted to talk about what was going on in his life but that I would prefer to not talk about his mom's "friend". Bless his heart, he stopped and respected that. I do and did recognize that if he did need to talk about it, I would and a few times he did. It's a question of who's there for whom? Is he here for me or am I the parent that is there for him? Been my guiding principal for his entire life. My daughter as well.
Interesting about the thoughts that pop up. I wonder - were you happy when it was "us"? I ask because MLCr's have a tendency to warp things and if you're close, the warped sense of things is infectious. I do think you'll go over the items, but my advice is to limit the time you're willing to do the post mortem on the relationship. i.e. if an issue like that comes up in your mind, focus on just one and deal with to conclusion. Once done, don't go back but rather go to the next one.
Only YOU get to decide if your time together was real or not. I'm sorry to say you cannot trust his opinion of things even if they cause pain and have some ring of some sort of truth.
Most of us here heard the same things. Why? Because that's part of the process for the MLCr as they try to justify their choices. They re-remember things in a way that fits their picture of things. And like any good lie, it has a grain of truth in there.
I can tell you that I was an "us" to the exclusion of close friends. I did not prioritize those friendships over my family. When BD came, I contorted myself to the point of not recognizing myself. Until one day, I stopped that.
But I will say my ex said a lot of the same stuff (script). I have a friend that spent years soothing himself by cheating on his wife. It's all caught up to him now and he's working through it hoping she'll stay and they can build an authentic relationship. But one of the things he mentioned he did was convince himself that he "deserved" the OW because his W was <insert excuse here>. He recognizes that now, but did not at the time.
MLC? Probably a mild one if I had to guess.
My point is that you cannot trust the thoughts and excuses from H because he is trying to justify himself to himself. Not really about you. But you can decide what was real and what wasn't.
Keep at it!
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
