Cherry, h is filing. Working on me

[Cherry]

Surfer, a little humour is always welcomed. I try to still have a laugh in a day. I have my amusing S who always makes me smile, and a wonderful family and friends and my mil thinks of me as her own child- and I think of her as a mother, so we hold one another up. I guess she's going through her own depression of both loosing her only blood relative (it's always been the two of them) and being absolutely disgusted in his behaviour as he's turned the opposite from all the values and love that she poured into him.

I guess they will ease in time, it's just a case of when you go to that place for the first time. And like you say the constant contact one way or another, hearing him creep round the house in the early hours etc. It does make it difficult. I thought I had been doing well. I guess I am from what I was, I don't cry very often. Even in my last pregnancy with an amazing loving h, there where times when the raging hormones got to me.

Treated myself to a few nice homely bits for my room, and some nice clothes which will hopefully grow with me or fit for a little while longer (I was really lucky last pregnancy and still fit in my normal jeans the majority of the pregnancy). I have my 12 week sonogram this week, so God willing all will go okay and I can announce my pregnancy. I don't know if wh will be there. Last week he told me he would "try to get the time off" and to "not take it personally or that he is doing it out of spite" if he can't be there, and to "tell him when my appointments are coming up". At the end of the day? If he isn't there, he is only really doing himself over, as he is missing these precious moments. He did admit that he finds it hard to accept that I'm pregnant as its "not the right time". Doesn't change my way of thinking though, although not the ideal time, this baby is very much wanted in my eyes and will be loved regardless of if he tags along to this or not.

And just as a higher note surfer with regards to turning straight people, I actually had an openly gay friend, who actually told me he was very confused as he thought he had fallen in love with me. I shall take that as an absolute compliment

All in all, glad I went out and enjoyed the majority of the day. I will keep pushing through this pain and hopefully come out smiling. It's just a little hard to see when as a LBS we are in a little fog of our own and adjusting to this lifestyle that we never wanted.