MLC, WAW or WW?? Who really knows? Help...pls

[sandi2]

Hi Roe, I am looking at your thread and see what seems to be very common here on the boards. However, I realize it is not common for you! This is your W, your MR, and your life.......so it is unique for you.

I think I saw where you referred to her as MLC. Is there something specific that makes you think she is suffering from mid-life crises? You didn't give much information about her childhood or her relationship with her family. As far as you know, did she experience any traumatic events in her younger years?

You paint a picture of a very close MR, and even say you were BF's and soul mates. Yet, she complained of feeling neglected of emotional intimacy, or something similar. Like most H's you thought everything was fine, until her "friendship" with this OM crossed the line. By then, she was ready to fight you, in order to keep the OM.

Until I see something else that could indicate a MLC, or if Wonka spots it, I am inclined to believe your W has become wayward. I see many things that ring loudly of WW. I will give you a few examples from what you posted:

W spewed the most hateful things at me from: "she did not love me, she had stopped loving me many years before that, the only reason she stayed was because we started having kids, she was not attracted to me, being intimate with me was horrible and more like a job.

Rewriting history. Resentment and anger comming out through her hateful spewing. Trying to hit you where it personally hurts you worse.

She refused to give up OM and said she was not sure she wanted to stay M'd.

Open disrespect, defiance, and rebellion.

In the mean time OM is very much in the picture. They communicate all the time. Originally secretively hiding and carrying phone everywhere when that never was the case. She is now openly meeting him and corralling support from friends ( mostly new friends ) in favor of their relationship. She stopped being intimate shortly after BD1. She is very conscience of her looks more so than normal. She spewed constantly for almost 6 months.

More of the same anger and rebellion.

her favorite catch phrase... "it's my turn to be happy" or "I'm entitled to finally find my happy"...

Classic WW selfishness! Entitlement!

I don't know when, but at some point in your MR, she felt resentment toward you. She did not let it go. That gave root for more resentment and it grew. The resentment sprouts feelings of disrespect. When those negative feelings are held in the heart of a woman, it will affect her desire for her H. Whether she is sexually high drive or low drive makes no difference. It affects her emotional in-love feelings for her H. She no longer admires him as a man and as her H. Her respect is gone, and it affects everything. She begins to rebell within her heart.......and finally, she openly rebels against her H and her M.

When you see her through the lens of resentment, disrespect, and rebellion.......and you see the selfishness growing by leaps & bounds.........then you see how a W of 22 yrs would choose an inappropriate "friendship" over her own H. You begin to see how out of character she has become, and wonder what happened to girl you married.

She constantly tests you by her open disrespect. That is why she doesn't bother to hide her communication with him. She openly sees him, which is a slap in the face of her H. She has given three bomb drops! Each time, she was challenging you.......and you did nothing, apparently. So, she has been able to stay in her home and receive all the benefits of being your W.......but not having to behave like your wife.

There are several reasons she could be stalling about moving in with the OM or filing for divorce. But I promise you, her reasons are not in your favor. I don't know what actions you have taken or what the daily interaction has been, but I dare say that from her VP, you are passively taking whatever she dishes out.

Until she has consequences for her behavior, she won't return to being the loving W you once knew.

I have several threads about the mindset of the WW, if you care to read them. I am so sorry your MR has come to this crossroads. It can be saved. Given the right circumstances and responses from you, she won't remain in this wayward state. You are not in a helpless position, but you have to have a certain attitude (IMHO) to save this M.....and yourself.