Thanks for checking in Feyth and Coly... life is good! Couldn't be better!
A tri friend of mine is probably going to sell his road bike and I am hoping to get it. So excited! I can use it in shorter tris I am sure. And I bought myself a tight 'tri' type bathing suit to train over the winter at my gyms pool. That suit will take some getting used to haha. Thanks for the motivation Feyth! I was going to do Ragnar Trails this weekend but had to pull out because of my achilles :-(... so instead I'll go to a new yoga class and meet some new people perhaps.
Things have been pretty quiet with WW the past 2 weeks or so. Just some texts here and there. I let her do much of the reaching out and don't think I'll ask her to do anything for a while (I do ask too much and I told her it's on her so...) I asked a week and a half ago if we could talk soon, she said of course but I haven't brought it up again yet. Actually, I was writing a pretty ominous text to her Wed or Thurs saying basically... look... we need to talk, it did not have a positive tone to it. We hadn't talked much that day and right as I was going to hit send she text me, so I held off on sending that. Earlier in the week, I kept getting the urge to text her about random things like a potential vacation to Hawaii in May I am planning to take with friends, selling the house and a party I am having at the house next weekend. Luckily DB'rs were in my head asking me why I wanted to send these messages? And the reason, for basically the first time in my situation, was to get a reaction. That was the only reason. I wanted a reaction, I wanted something, so I was able to get that out of my head before sending them. She doesn't need to be told about those things.
It's funny, when I first came here, posters would talk about limbo and I was like yea, I guess I am kind of in that category (not really though at that time). Now this is full blown, engulfed, five alarm BS limbo land. What a bunch of crap. Have I become the frog in the boiling water and slowly have gone to being like a gay boyfriend without even realizing it?? It is possible. Maybe she is just keeping me around as a solid plan B (I am a damn good plan B ;-). I wish I could really explain how many times this pattern has repeated itself, it is crazy. But when we have been together on those 'dates' recently, it has been really good, I'll admit it. She shows affection. But I don't get overly excited which is interesting. I mean I should have been on cloud 9 after she has initiated kissing a few times, but I really wasn't. I came home and feel right asleep... that is different than the past, I would get really excited. The get togethers are just not happening often enough to build on anything, we are not gaining any momentum I guess.
So when the time is right I'll push more for a talk over the next few weeks. It is for two things. I need to see how she really feels, I think we are at the point where that is a fair question to ask now. I'll push her a bit to get a feel. If she seems unsure or it is clear that she has no interest on pursing things, then I will bring up the second point, which is that it is time to move things forward. I have thought about that aspect a lot lately, I am content with it. If we get D, I will never be able to talk to her again, too risky and I am 100% content with that. We may have been only married 2 years, but this is a 20 year struggle. I want to be in control for once, I want to make the decision. I made one decision and it was when we first together, besides that it has been all her.
I am getting ancy. I think I am ready to date. I never really have, she has been pretty much it (minus a few month long or so flings here and there when we were 'off').
That turned out to be a longer ramble that went all over the place than I was hoping for :-).
