WAW, bouts of anger still spewing, awaiting the D.

[SH_]

Good evening.
I return to give thanks to each of you that have dropped by my pad.

Cherry,
Please do not feel guilty for anything. I gain as much if not more from the opportunity to reach out and lend support and ideas for you to get through the challenges. You are one strong lady and mama bear and you will come out on top. Thank you for your kind thoughts and support in return.

Sara.
Your vote of confidence gives me strength. You have been one of the most amazing examples of taking the DB bull by the horns and wrestling him like a true champ. I pray for you and your family each day and am rooting for you with all my heart. Keep at it. You are truly winning the day and will conquer the challenge.

bigybiz, thank you for your upbeat can do it attitude. It shines through every time I read you. Your prayerful consideration for so many here is a huge resource both for you and each of us.
Unfortunately I did not gather much in the way of second level support. I'm gonna need to strike out from scratch, but maybe that is what is meant for me. Folks that can see me for who I am now and accept me and be there on my continued journey of progress.

Cadet, I agree wholeheartedly. First priority is to take care of oneself first.
Physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
How much sweeter the human interactions on this planet would be, if everyone applied this rule as a priority in life.

Mach1

So you have determined that we have met ?

I'm thinkin that we are pretty similar in that regard...downright scary similar in fact...

I recharge from the inside out, I NEED, not want, quiet time with myself.

Trouble is,at times, I also crave the "noise"...


Maybe look at validation ....( I know what worked for me)

What areas do you NEED validation, WANT validation, CRAVE validation...

HOW do you validate, and how do you feel validated


???

Need. Not want. Quiet time.
Now that is stating what I have so unsuccessfully tried to explain to the STBX for years.
Now it simply feels like a curse.
In my mind I see myself in social settings and it is exciting. I crave the thought of doing it. I am even pumped up until the point of actually doing it. Then as soon as I step into the setting, BAM!, then the energy in me feels like it is sucked clean out of me and then I feel uncomfortable. Then it is only a matter of time before I feel the need to step away and I feel drained.

But, if it is a small setting with just a couple of people. I do fine. But afterwards I do need some alone time to recharge.

I am seeking out knowledge and reasons for this and the first good news, is it is not a curse and it is more common than I would have thought.

So now to break a lifetime of poor habits and an opportunity to create some new ones.
Maybe...just maybe I can enhance my " social conditioning", same as I have with my physical conditioning over the past couple of years.

Mach, would you explain a bit what you mean when you ask what I think my need for validation is? I think I understand the question, but I maybe overthinking it.

It's like an out of body experience...

Find the vision of who you are, and are working toward becoming, and let that guide you...

Being brutally honest with yourself will help you see past OPS. You will inventory what baggage is yours, and what isn't yours...

It will also help you detach from the other crazy in your life. Let her carry her own luggage, while you carry your own.....

Be honest with yourself about your goals, and HOW you are trying to achieve them...

And try NOT to borrow trouble from the future...

Especially if it isn't yours....

Yes. I agree completely with this point.
Focused on me and my goals.
Sorting out the why of it all, for me.

I am getting better at leaving the future be and blocking out the thoughts of trouble that it only may contain.
I choose not to pay the price for any trouble but one time.
If and when it happens.

You do what is right for you.

I will always fight for the integrity of these boards...

Because of what they did for me...

I've been here for almost 9 years. Not because I needed to be...

Because I don't feel that I can ever repay enough back to them...

This is of sound and pure intent.
I like the thought of following suit.
For now, I have much more to learn and endure, and I will look to pay it forward in relationship to my progress and experience.

Including yourself....please don't forget that...

Point well taken.

Quote guy huh ?

How about.....

God gives you exactly the problems that you need, in order to fix yourself....


That work ?

Yup. Quotes are my way of trying to feed my brain the new programming it needs to understand and believe the new story that is being written.

And yes, God is giving me exactly what is needed to fix myself and be prepared for that which is still to come.

Another quote that I am implementing is,
"Not praying for it to be easy. But pray to have the strength to get through it."

I will check the social site.
I do like lines.
And will be sure to read between.

Well, I better be signing off as I have a big day tomorrow as I have a princess that will be celebrated and she will be getting the royal treatment of the best 6th birthday the little lady could ever have.
It will be a great day.