Hello again. It's been awhile since I posted here. Life became better and I started enjoying myself again. With summer and GAL the forum took a back seat, lately I have felt an urge to come back and share again, get some guidance because although I have become happier and enjoy myself again it all still feels like a piece is missing.
To catch up on the last couple months. GAL has not been an issue, going camping, rodeos, museums, swimming, and a host of other activities with and without my kids I have been very busy. And I am so grateful that I have my children and a new puppy to share my love with.
That said, 8 months after W moved out I still want her home. To talk to her and to have shared all of this new life with her. W is now moved in with OM and seems to focus on telling me how great her life is now. Any time OM has come up I have stood my boundary of not talking about it and flat out told her I don't care to hear it.
And yet she will come to me once in awhile in different ways that tend to confuse me, and I understand it's my own head that gets in the way.
About a month ago she said she wanted to talk over the phone because she had a question. It was about taking anti depressants because she was considering them as she had trouble sleeping and seemed to be looking for a fight all the time, her concern was that it was for life which I said it wasn't and to go talk to her dr about it. That day we ended up chatting all day, about little things and her asking if I thought we could have made it work. To which I replied yes, with the proper work and guidance. That she loved me and would have given up all her dreams for me. Which I saw as bs. Then later sending a flirty text after I asked what she was doing and said cleaning in her underwear and heels dancing around.
Then a few weeks ago she reached out to D12 for maybe the 2nd time since January and told her she missed her etc. Which shocked me. Fortunately D 12 is more over W than I am and was polite in response but didn't really engage.
Lately I feel like I tend to flaunt what the kids and I do which I am trying to stop, it's tough because I want her to see and yet I know it doesn't help anything.
Then this last week she has seemed short again and the only talk we have had is about how we will proceed with filing for D and decided sometime we will meet to discuss terms. And it doesn't really bother me. It's become an inevitable thing that is looming in the future.
I guess what's hard on me is the part that still holds out hope that maybe someday. That maybe she is too proud to talk openly. That maybe she talks to her family and they could help. I don't reach out to anyone anymore as most people see the faking it me and assume it's all good. When in reality it's almost like ground hog day. Where I wake up alone missing her. Go about my day feeling ok. Pray before I sleep and start over in the am. It's been awhile since my last slump and tho this one isn't as painful. It's more of a loneliness that is killing me this time.
I hope to catch up on all my old friends here soon and make some new ones now that I'm back. As always any words are always welcome whether it's support or a 2x4
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
Hey Tyler, I don't think I was here when you were initially, but welcome back. There seems to be a good mix of new and old folks here and the support/advice is excellent. Sorry you're having to find yourself here again though.
Originally Posted By: Tyler12
About a month ago she said she wanted to talk over the phone because she had a question. It was about taking anti depressants because she was considering them as she had trouble sleeping and seemed to be looking for a fight all the time, her concern was that it was for life which I said it wasn't and to go talk to her dr about it. That day we ended up chatting all day, about little things and her asking if I thought we could have made it work. To which I replied yes, with the proper work and guidance. That she loved me and would have given up all her dreams for me. Which I saw as bs. Then later sending a flirty text after I asked what she was doing and said cleaning in her underwear and heels dancing around.
You're way further along in your situation than I am, but that seems like a big time temp check. How often are you talking to her? Have you gone NC during the past 8 months? Is the recent discussion w/ her bc of that?
You already know this, but keep posting and hang in there!
Me39 M11 : T13 D9 BD 5/31/16 In House S until 6/21/17 Divorced 10/5/18
Hi IT0402, happy you stopped by. I pretty much only talk to her when necessary. I can't go NC with her fully as we have 2 children together. So there has to be some communication. And I see her every 2 weeks when we exchange the kids. The boys are 4 and 1. Sometimes I think it would be easier to move on if I talked to her or someone and got told repeatedly it's done. Just to hammer it home. My mind wanders too much and personally I would rather feel nothing at all
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
When you meet w/ her do you just talk to her about the kids, or are you delving into more husbandly/friendly conversation? Have you tried only limiting your contact with her to kids/scheduling type dialogue? I'm curious to see what triggered her reaching out to you a month ago?
From other's stories, it seems to happen when they are becoming detached and their Ws perceive it. The Ws seem to reach out at that point to pull the LBS back into their zone of control. Seems to be what your W was doing a month ago and when she realized you were still available, she went back to being short and talking about D.
Just my 2 cents. And know that I'm nowhere near being qualified to give advice here. Just seems like something was working and triggered her to reach out. Seems like you should identify what that was, if it was something you did, and continue doing it.
Me39 M11 : T13 D9 BD 5/31/16 In House S until 6/21/17 Divorced 10/5/18
With my ExW it's one of 2 things. Either she is pulling me in or fulfilling her fantasy that her and I will still be friends. Neither of which I really want. To answer the talk question the chats are 95% only kids and scheduling. The odd time there is some baseball chat. Never any R talk only D talk of it strays from the above and D talk is only over the phone. Never in person.
It has started to feel like I have no one left really to talk to that won't roll their eyes. And unless they have been through it they don't understand
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
I know that feeling Ty. I've done such a good job of convincing everyone (including myself most days) that I've moved on that when I have a string of badness, I end up cooped up to myself cause there's no one to talk to. (hence venturing here for the first time in several months).
I'm always a message away though@
hard to believe its already been 6 months.
M:26 H:32 T:8yrs ILYBNILWY/ "I'm not happy": 2/6/16 D-Day-discovered PA/EA: 2/10/16 Separated: 2/14/16 He's living with OW I moved to different state: 06/16 Currently: Trying to move forward
Tyler12, honesty is very much appreciated. Your emotions indicate you have attached, but hopes are quite different aren't they? I feel it. I too am victim of the chaos kid dichotomy between completely open, flirting, and then back to wanting full D and why is this still going on. MY W's OM does not live / her, but may as ell given his presence at her place. As well, I understand the pulling in or friend fantasy. Nothing else at this moment except to say - stay in the fight.
"There is no more important fight than the one for ourselves. Keep on winning." Ginger1, Read her newbies. BD: Feb '16 D: Mar '17 Piecing: Putting the self back together was my piecing. S6
I had a hard time for the longest time not being completely honest with myself and W. I always had fear of the repercussion if I told the whole truth. Which by not telling the whole truth is essentially lying by omission. And all the worry was in my head. There was zero reason for me to be worried of her reaction. Be it positive or negative. It's her choice or anyone as to how they react to something and you cannot control that.
Understanding that sometimes no matter what I say someone may get upset and be angry with me was a large step for me awhile back and by seeing that made me realize I have no reason to withhold anything unless it's something that I know will intentionally hurt someone. Being honest with myself and others I find is the best way to go. That doesn't mean be an ahole tho. Haha
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
Tyler12, it's been about 5 months for me, and luckily I have a few people in my life who still reach out to me to ask how I am doing. A few others who were supportive initially don't contact me as much or if they do, they don't ask about my R. I think some people don't know what to say, others don't like being around upset people, etc.
Having my IC to talk to weekly helps a lot, because IC will listen to the same feelings and thoughts I have over and over without judging me!
I did the IC thing too. For around 4 months every week. And I got to a point where she felt I was fine and personally I was done with her. It was almost like she was done talking about it too and so I said to hell with her. That was 5 months ago and I have thought about seeing a new one. We will see what this next week brings me
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
