Still alive, still need guidance.

[Tyler12]

Hello again. It's been awhile since I posted here. Life became better and I started enjoying myself again. With summer and GAL the forum took a back seat, lately I have felt an urge to come back and share again, get some guidance because although I have become happier and enjoy myself again it all still feels like a piece is missing.

To catch up on the last couple months. GAL has not been an issue, going camping, rodeos, museums, swimming, and a host of other activities with and without my kids I have been very busy. And I am so grateful that I have my children and a new puppy to share my love with.

That said, 8 months after W moved out I still want her home. To talk to her and to have shared all of this new life with her. W is now moved in with OM and seems to focus on telling me how great her life is now. Any time OM has come up I have stood my boundary of not talking about it and flat out told her I don't care to hear it.

And yet she will come to me once in awhile in different ways that tend to confuse me, and I understand it's my own head that gets in the way.

About a month ago she said she wanted to talk over the phone because she had a question. It was about taking anti depressants because she was considering them as she had trouble sleeping and seemed to be looking for a fight all the time, her concern was that it was for life which I said it wasn't and to go talk to her dr about it. That day we ended up chatting all day, about little things and her asking if I thought we could have made it work. To which I replied yes, with the proper work and guidance. That she loved me and would have given up all her dreams for me. Which I saw as bs. Then later sending a flirty text after I asked what she was doing and said cleaning in her underwear and heels dancing around.

Then a few weeks ago she reached out to D12 for maybe the 2nd time since January and told her she missed her etc. Which shocked me. Fortunately D 12 is more over W than I am and was polite in response but didn't really engage.

Lately I feel like I tend to flaunt what the kids and I do which I am trying to stop, it's tough because I want her to see and yet I know it doesn't help anything.

Then this last week she has seemed short again and the only talk we have had is about how we will proceed with filing for D and decided sometime we will meet to discuss terms. And it doesn't really bother me. It's become an inevitable thing that is looming in the future.

I guess what's hard on me is the part that still holds out hope that maybe someday. That maybe she is too proud to talk openly. That maybe she talks to her family and they could help. I don't reach out to anyone anymore as most people see the faking it me and assume it's all good. When in reality it's almost like ground hog day. Where I wake up alone missing her. Go about my day feeling ok. Pray before I sleep and start over in the am. It's been awhile since my last slump and tho this one isn't as painful. It's more of a loneliness that is killing me this time.

I hope to catch up on all my old friends here soon and make some new ones now that I'm back. As always any words are always welcome whether it's support or a 2x4