I feel as if the pit is less frequent and I am starting to come to grips with my life not including her in the future. I love her deeply but I also have serious concerns about our future should we reconcile. I guess that is cause for worry later on.[/quote]

I understand. But, if you were to reconcile, I'm sure there are stipulations (boundaries) that you'd want to put in place. Now is the time to start that process even if you don't reconcile.