A WW? (3)

[lt0402]

Just got home with D. Instantly isolated and criticized by W for:

1) staying an extra 2 hours today, even though I told her we may and she did not object
2) feeding D pizza for breakfast that had been sitting out overnight. Correct story is that I put the pizza in the mini fridge overnight. Microwaved it this am and D and I had a blast eating pizza for breakfast. W apparently asked D if the pizza was sitting out and D told her she didn't know. W interpreted that as there was not a fridge.
3) not giving D enough water during trip. I made sure D drank enough water. W pressed D for how many times she went to the bathroom. D said 3. Apparently that's not enough.

I made the mistake of asking D in front of W about the fridge. Probably should not have pulled her into it. I also asked my W quietly to not poke at me after we had such a good stand safe time.

W pulled me into the garage and Ran through the list above. She stopped talking. I asked if she was done. She said yes. I started talking and then she cuts me off and says I cut her off. She said it's ridiculous that I would act this way when she apologized for accusing me about the pizza (she never did). And that if I wouldn't let her talk then this is done. I just stepped aside and let her go back inside.

Sent her this via text just now:

M: "https://www.greatwolf.com/williamsburg/suites/themed/wolf-den-suite-accessible

Mini fridge is 4th bullet point down on the right. I'd ask that you please just ask me and not accuse me going forward. I'm more than willing to admit my mistakes, but that was not one.

I know the past day has been stressful for you being away from her. I hope the updates helped. I understand how hard it is not to be around her all the time.

I'm sorry for not discussing the time we were leaving with you. I should have been more clear in my message that we locked up the bag with the phone. Id like to discuss the meds with you bc I need to understand today's situation since I'll be on my own with her a lot more in the future. "

This seems so ridiculous that it's starting to make me wonder if all this is worth it. W seems to revert to anything she can to make me look like a bad dad and husband and keep her story about how awful I am going. Unsure how to keep dealing with nonsense like this and keep sane.

By the way, W was complaining that we didn't eat healthy enough and she's now heating up pizza to feed D for dinner. It's like I'm living in the twilight zone. She also has said the following few things multiple times over the past hour since we got back:

1) D, feel how hairy my legs are
2) I dint know when the last time I shaved my legs was
3) I only left the house once, to get wine and chocolate so I could stay up late watching movies
4) the house is super clean bc I spent all day yesterday and today cleaning it
5) don't make a mess bc all I did was clean while you two were gone

W is going to extremes to show that she did nothing with OM while I was gone. She is very blatant in her statements about OM with me. Unsure why she'd feel the need to prove stupid stuff like this. She should read a book about knowing when someone is lying. I think tell #1 is they provide an excessive amount of detail.

Oh well. D and I had an amazing time today too and I won't let WW spoil that! Realizing I can do this single dad thing, but still need a lot of practice. D seems very happy!

[doodler]

It0402,

I don't know what to tell you about your WW, but one thing I can say for sure, feeding your child pizza for breakfast might just get you elected dad of the year. I love having pizza for breakfast.

[mvgfwd2]

You had a great time with D don't apologize for any of it. If she's angry let it roll off. Not your circus. Just walk away, it's not worth your time. Understand no matter what you did she would say the same thing.

Yes, say too much and with more detail than normal is a prime tell for lying.

[lt0402]

Thanks all! Pizza for breakfast was a big hit w/ D, so I won't let Ws angst wear on me there. MV, you're right, I think her tirade would have happened regardless.

I'm realizing I need to put on a happier face around the house and let her comments roll off me. She seems to have this view that I'm mad at her all the time after we had that blow up 2 weeks ago, post OM visit #2.

I'm really struggling with allowing her to open her own CC and separating our phone bills. I'm not checking the #'s she contacts anymore, but more have an issue w/ financing her talking to OM. Need to think through this more.

In a neutral place today. The time w/ my D was much needed. Getting back to reality at home was a bummer though.

[sandi2]

Be very careful about your words and body language (blocking door, etc.).

[lt0402]

Thank you Sandi. I hadn't realized how important body language was until she read mine as highly aggressive during our blow up a couple weeks ago. I'm trying to be softer w/ my body language, though it's tough at times. I'm typically a pretty laid back, but confident person around family. I need to get to some mix of being laid back but confident again. It's tough though, when all I see from her is someone who would gladly lie to my face. Detached I am not.

I agree on the choice of wording as well. I've found that a single phrase can completely send a conversation b/t the two of us off track. It's happened a couple times now w/ what I'd thought were innocuous word choices. It's difficult for me to manage bc I tend to speak before I think, but I'm going to have to slow down and analyze before responding now.

My WW seems to be baiting me into MR conversations, though she says she doesn't want to have them. They invariably end up w/ us getting to some dialogue around why would I want to save our MR. I believe I need to stop these before they get to that point. I'm starting to think she's using them to gauge where I am and what I'm thinking. Maybe I should have realized that all along.

Regardless, am adding that as a goal. MR conversations get killed before we get to that point, or we just stop having MR conversations period until OM is out of the picture, or I just validate and don't actually speak my mind during them.

My level of anger seemed to get her attention post-blow up two weeks ago. It led to some really strange behavior out of her. However, that could be for any # of reasons, not bc she wants me around as plan B. Who knows.

I'm thinking about paying the retainer for an attorney in the next week or so. She's already retained one, and based on her taking the Trust and Will documents to them I'd assume they're working on something. Probably best to be prepared if she does come down w/ a separation agreement shortly. The check clearing from the bank will cause a stir b/t WW and I. Maybe I address it with her beforehand.

Sandi, thank you for stopping by as always!

[Cristy]

Hello It0402,

Your trip to the water park with D sounds fabulous! Continue to focus your time, effort and energy on building your relationship with your D. Pizza for breakfast is always a winner

Your WW could be trying to bait you into MR as a temperature check. She is eating cake if she thinks you are going to pay for another phone for her and help her establish her own credit.

My suggestion is for you to speak with a DB Coach regarding paying the retainer for your L. I know you want to be strategic and I'm sure you'll get the necessary info on how to proceed most effectively.

Cristy
Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004

[RSG]

It's so much more difficult at home. Now I know exactly why Sandi says it's so unusual for it to lead to reconciliation.

Yes, don't get led into a R talk unless you're ready for one (and rarely will you feel comfortable enough to have one). If you get caught off guard, they can manipulate you.

Glad you had so much fun with the kiddo. That's what it's all about. I have heard so many people talk about eating cold pizza in the morning the next day, it's no issue whatsoever.

[lt0402]

Thanks Cristy! I find myself wondering if that is her method of temp checking. Will follow up out the retainer for the L. Not the most pleasant thing in the world to think of.

RSG, I'd be lying if I didn't say it sucked. Seeing the W everyday and playing house is not fun. I did warm up the pizza in the microwave to be fair! W fed D pizza last night and tonight for dinner. Not sure she realizes the hypocrisy there, but letting it be.

Came home and took D to the park for some Pokemon hunting. Ended up having a competition to see who could balance better on a log we found for about 30 minutes or so. Caught some Pokemon after that and crashed on a bench for a few. D put her arm around my neck when we were just sitting there, really feel like her and I are doing well now!

W is exercising again. 2 week hiatus on that since the beach. Also eating better. Think that means she is gearing up to see OM again. Bracing for impact for it to be Labor Day weekend. Not dreading it, but don't want to be surprised by it. I've been combative the past two times she's gone. It will be hard, but I'm going to try to be indifferent this time. Speaking to IC tomorrow so I'll discuss how to respond. At this point I want to tell her we are splitting finances and moving to seperate locations, but that's not something to be taken lightly. It's like a slap in the face when she says we need to act like "roommates" and are living seperate lives. Unsure I've ever heard of a roommate financing another roommate. The other slap in the face is when she goes to see OM. She tried to lie about it last time. Unsure how she does it this time.

Thanks all for the support! iPad before bed with D now!

[lt0402]

Radio silence from W today. Met with IC this morning to get him up to speed. Been 1.5 weeks since the last visit. Was good getting his feedback on things. IC agrees that a lot of WWs behaviors/actions recently haven't been accidental. Unsure of the motivation behind them though, w/o speculating. IC also continues to reiterate how I need to let her go, i.e. detach. IC did say that I was doing a better job of empathizing and also pushing back when WW disrespects me. IC talked about the cancer scare stuff and how there are a lot of false positives nowadays.

D has a friend over for a sleepover tonight, so no real time w/ her tonight. Hitting the gym then i'll try to get some reading in tonight. Finish up the 5LL book and then work on another about listening that Wonka recommended.

Have an overnight work trip on Monday for some meetings. W told me this is one of the "you go anywhere you want to" trips. Unsure of how she gets that perspective since it's not a voluntary trip, but I'm unsure of how she comes to a lot of conclusions recently. Have a GAL activity w/ some work friends next Wed evening as well.

I told D about both of these yesterday and gave her details of what I'm doing so she knows why and when I won't be home. Part of fixing my communication w/ her. Hoping to scout out a national park near us for pokemon and new fishing spots w/ D on Sunday. Should be a good weekend!