Hi Jack, thank you so much for the hint. I don't know where I would be without the great therapists I get here. Really a treasure for life.
It's hard not to have R talks with him, but I think I can manage to keep it short, informal and not getting into his inferno.
Through my faith, I have been learning to let the old woman in the past and live the new one with a new mentality. Kind of great time to have even a class to work on those issues.
I think I will take it as he is just a man that could possibly develop into something else somewhere down the road. EASY UHh? not at all, it is very hard to do that since we shared so many years together, but since I learned so much about so many others things that were hidden inside myself, I guess I can learn that too.
You know, I walk strong and then I fall on my knees. Some of those nasty feelings of rejection and inferiority comes to haunt me big time. Like this, when he comes forward, I start feeling like I am not good enough for the task.
That's another one that only time will decrease the intensity.
Jack, definitely I will look nice. It gives me more confidence and will help me to feel strong. Like you said, not dress for a cocktail but look good and feel good.
Thinking about, I think that you nailed it in the head about the whole R talks. Normally, it becomes a lot of "I am sorry" session. He starts apologizing for being an idiot and I feel the need to apologizing for being an idiot too. Then we go on and on in our past.
You are right, it needs to stop and see what it can be without the past in the present. We changed a lot, that is for sure. We are both better people, not the best, but we even laugh sometimes that we are better for each other now.
So, what can I say: Thank you!!! I was down on myself, and doing what I do best... run away!!! But you got my spirit up and happy again. I need to be positive and confident that we still have a chance to love again.
