Newby here, desperate for some advice (thread 4)

[JRuss]

Bringing your post in my old thread over here, Doodler -- many thanks for stopping by!

JRuss,

I tend to agree with you! I've felt the same way myself. On the other hand, before any of this happened to me, if one of my sisters had come to me complaining about their husband, I wouldn't have questioned the validity of their claims. Now, I'd be more aware that their are two sides to the story.

One of my neighbors, an atrocious British fellow (he's a wonderful man), knows me well and saw through the WW's bullsh*t. But, he and his wife had previous marriages and have been through divorce. Many of the people my WW talks to do not know me well. For all they know, I truly am a quiet and introverted narcissistic psychopath serial killer. I mean, it makes a lot of sense; sarcastic humor and gardening are dead giveaways (the dead bodies are in the garden).

I like how you always keep it light, doodler. I think I might have fallen into the trap as well before all of this, but I know I won't ever do it now. The seemingly neutral "validation" the WW gets outside of the marriage is a big part of the fuel that keeps her f-ed up view of LBS and the marriage going, I think. But it's not neutral. In my case, my W has had to go to a woman she hardly knew before this who divorced her husband about two years ago and, apparently, never has had a bad day since. Now, he was alcoholic and wouldn't get help, and she still took years to divorce him; but, with me, who she hardly even knows, she's telling my W that she should act fast, and never, ever "settle" for a life that isn't what she wants.

I'm a little worried about what I might say or do the next time I see this woman.