You do seem to be doing a good job Cherry. All you can do is take care of yourself. If your H wants to be an a$$ clown, then unfortunately, there is nothing you can do about that. His loss.
Me: 48 y/o W: 47 y/o Together: > 20 yrs BD: Dec '15, then S 2nd BD: Mar '16, then I filed for D April '16: started piecing
Hey cherry, in house separation is a complete bummer. I can't get my WW to even acknowledge my existence. I've gotten her to stop the eye rolling, exasperated sighs, etc but it's painful living with someone who's supposed to be your spouse but won't have a simple conversation with you. I completely get what you are going through and am sorry you're having to live that way.
Even with all that mess though, it sounds like you're doing great handling it. You're a strong woman! keep up the good work!
Me39 M11 : T13 D9 BD 5/31/16 In House S until 6/21/17 Divorced 10/5/18
It0402, I know the feeling. It angers me that it's "my spouse" that tries to treat me so badly. I wouldn't stand for his behaviour if it was anyone else.
Thanks LIM, I'm starting to accept that now. For a long time I think I've been sat in denial, but now I've finally accepted that this may well be it. So I have to take care of myself.
He arrived home about 3 am this morning. Doesn't really bear thinking about what/who he was doing. But I must admit that has creeped in my mind at times today. But I just tell myself that there really is nothing I can do about that. What bothers me more is my toddler waking up in the night in hysterics saying "daddy's gone". This is becoming more of a frequent occurrence. But it can't be mentioned to wh, as it is just met with "he's fine". It's one thing to try and comfort myself and deal with this, but a child that is too young to understand things, seems practically impossible. The only thing I can try to do is show him constant love and a parental figure he can rely on. His dad is not capable of this right now
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Your home isn't a hotel. I think if this is the behavior H wants to have he needs to work towards getting his own place. Don't tolerate being a doormat
He claims he is looking and will do so soon. Not sure on wether or not he's actually been and viewed anywhere yet. He told me he had some viewings on Wednesday but wether he went to them or not I don't know.
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
The only thing I can try to do is show him constant love and a parental figure he can rely on. His dad is not capable of this right now
You're doing the right thing Cherry. Focusing on being a rock for your son is precisely what you need to do.
Don't forget to put some focus on yourself as well, though I know it's got to be tough with everything you've got going on. Hopefully your WH realizes the damage he's causing, but if he doesn't then your S will need to leverage your stability/steadiness in the future.
Keep it up, we're all here to support you!
Me39 M11 : T13 D9 BD 5/31/16 In House S until 6/21/17 Divorced 10/5/18
Thank you. Yeah I'm trying to make a bit of time for myself. It does concern me that my S is going to be dealing with a fair bit of change. If his dad continues on his mission of disruption and goes ahead with the move and the d, there's that, and then he's going to go from an only child to being a big brother. And he's a little too young right now to understand there's a baby in there! I'm hoping that he understands before the baby gets here, and that he doesn't feel pushed out and loves this baby and his new role!
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
It's all crept up on me a bit more this afternoon. Maybe it's the fact that I'm tired, full of a head cold and a very sore throat with sickness to boot; and a toddler to look after. Just so many stupid little things can stir up some reminders, and then that's it- my brain just starts thinking. Getting good at stopping my thoughts in their track when I try to make sense of the situation. It doesn't make sense, so stop wasting time trying to figure it out.
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Today isn't a good day, I'm questioning my own actions again and doubting myself. H decided to come home on time today and even decided he would sit and eat with us. I said hello to him, but I couldn't muster any polite chat, not even neighbourly. I couldn't manage a how was your day, I felt I'd be a fraud. I know things are bleak looking, but I still would like to keep my family together and know that I need to "act as if". But I just couldn't quite muster up that act. Just so tired and feeling so lame that I just didn't quite feel as though I had the energy to try today.
This is not easy.
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Today isn't a good day, I'm questioning my own actions again and doubting myself. H decided to come home on time today and even decided he would sit and eat with us. I said hello to him, but I couldn't muster any polite chat, not even neighbourly. I couldn't manage a how was your day, I felt I'd be a fraud. I know things are bleak looking, but I still would like to keep my family together and know that I need to "act as if". But I just couldn't quite muster up that act. Just so tired and feeling so lame that I just didn't quite feel as though I had the energy to try today.
This is not easy.
How much I wish it was easy Cherry! I get it, it's hard to carry on like these things don't matter to us day after day. You'd have to be superwoman to not have off days. All we can do is put our heads down and do the best we can to keep pushing forward.
Hope you start to feel better and get over your cold/sickness! You really are doing a good job, don't be down on yourself for one bad day!
Me39 M11 : T13 D9 BD 5/31/16 In House S until 6/21/17 Divorced 10/5/18
