WW confused about the future.

[Zues126]

She did once say that I am a better person than I was but at the time didn't want to reconcile.

She can say what she wants, but her opinion of you is no longer relevant. You become the person you want to be for YOU. For her to think she is in a place to evaluate your value as a person is condescending and hypocritical considering that she abandoned a family and has her own problems. Bottom line, don't let her manipulate you by trying to earn more of her praise. Walk the road you need to walk regardless of whether she spews or acts friendly about it.

Should I carry on and just wait for the D to be made final or say something? I have followed sandi's rules and am more independent than I was at the start. Problem is the rules seem to be about distancing yourself and giving nothing away. My W doesn't seem to react much apart from wonder where I may go of an evening, but she's not that bothered either way.

The reasons following Sandi's rules hasn't 'worked' is because there is nothing that will 'work'. If we assume there is something you can do that will for sure bring your WAW back to the marriage, I can see why you'd figure 'this isn't working, switch it up'. But the problem with that measuring stick is it's a faulty assumption. Unfortunately there are a lot of times when WAW won't look back, or if she does it won't be for years, not months.

My compass has always been "if I knew she wasn't coming back no matter what I did, how would I want to live my life for ME?"

Personally I haven't seen any R's come about because of heart to hearts in which the LBS explains how they can change, how much they love WAS, or how WAS is making a mistake, etc. Feel free to comb through the archives and see if I'm wrong. So while there is no play that is guaranteed to 'work', there are things that are guaranteed to sabotage your chances and slow down the timelines dramatically.

So no, I don't think you have a conversation with her. Personally I think you need to detach more, and more. Not necessarily 'distance' more, but emotionally you need to keep striving for a place where you don't feel compelled to have R talks and watch her moves and constantly reassess your chances of R. It's hard and doesn't happen overnight, but keep trying to let go and move forward.

Sorry excile, it's such a hard loss that it is quite a journey to comprehend much less accept. WAS aside what's going on in your life?