WAW, bouts of anger still spewing, awaiting the D.

[SH_]

Thank you Mach1 for your comments, thoughts and advice.
It is nice to have someone that has gone through to the other side share.

You ask why I might feel withdrawing is my way.

This is a good question and one I debate with myself over frequently.
Some say I am introverted, but I have extroverted tendencies.
I feel more at peace and it requires less energy when I am alone and reading or engaged in activities of the mind.
I enjoy people, but typically I feel like an outsider. I prefer to listen and observe more than engage and participate.
Although I do get caught up over talking when a topic of interest may arise.
I am challenged in creating balance.
I over think and feel pressure to "perform" in the moment, where I feel more confident when I have time to process it all.
I mention in the previous post my childhood constant moving and that may be where I picked up bad rendancies.
I am aware of the challenge. I want to change it and seek out ways to do so.

OPS.
Now that is something I will remember.
I appreciate the way you put it here.
I know coming in I was desperate to find a sitch that was like mine. Maybe because I could find answers that way. Maybe so I did not feel alone in my struggle. Or maybe, I wanted to just prove to myself I was not crazy and completely at fault.
I don't know that I have found any just like my sitch. I have found similarities. But not the exact same.
Your point about reading in and then matching it to me or my sitch does have meaning to me.
I backed off on reading some material, because I started to take general info and make it match me and my sitch. I wanted answers and it could find them, or as you say, I would start acting in a manner so it would match.
So, if I u destined you correctly, a good approach is to back up a little. Look inward and clarify things inside without the " taint" of so many other ideas and suggestions. This can help me pin down more " truth" and clarity of what it is I am up against from within. Then I can better win the battle inside by working on what I know to be true and accurate.
Now this make sense.

Alright, maybe I won't STFU when I see disrespect as there really is no place for this regardless. But I will speak up in a calm manner and step back from the tantrum u till the cooler heads can prevail.

Thank you Mach1 for the vote of confidence and support.

I do have an idea what the hero will do next in this story.
I have a why, and now I must take action.
I know the strongest hero stories typically have the hero that must conquer oneself, before facing the foe.
I know in my heart, that this I must do.
There are some good people counting on me.

rich, yes the introvert in me is strong. I am aware. And I a working to accept it not as a curse, but as part of what I am, and then use it to my advantage.
Yes, I see that I was like this with WAW. Sometimes because I would prefer to be somewhere else. Other times because our conversations struggled as we really were galaxies apart on what constituted a grown up conversation. That is a point for another time.
I do hold onto hope that you are on point with something out there that will snap me back. I am still in a limbo stage of sort, with the d dragging out and my desire not to rush into a new relationship u till both feet are firmly planted on the ground.
Thank you again for your thoughts. It is good food for thought for me.

PM, Batman is a great choice and one that I would agree with. Because I like his bank account and butler, but right now, my hero seems more like the hulk.
A raging battle inside, green is my favorite color, and yet, the hulk is a compassionate good beast underneath the rage. No matter how much he smashes, he still wants to take care of those near and dear to him.

I appreciate the support and new "faces" as I try to return here for support, journaling and a place to start picking up some of my pieces .

"The first and best victory is to conquer self. To be conquered by self is, of all things, the most shameful and vile." ~Plato